9 Things You Wish You Could NRO In Real Life

By Kate Hildreth | 1/7/16 7:04am

The NRO has saved your life (and your GPA) on more than one occasion, and you couldn’t be more grateful for its existence. If the administration ever actually gets rid of it, you’ll be the first to write a letter of protest. But what if the NRO applied to more than just your CHEM 52 class? Here are 9 things you wish you could NRO IRL:

1. Sending A Flitz
You spend hours agonizing over what turns out to be a cheesy one-liner. A flitz should be funny, right? But not too funny. Wait, what is too funny? You give up and frantically look up Dartbeat’s guide to flitzing. After finally mustering up the courage to blitz out the final product, you spend the next 24 hours spamming your group chat that your crush hasn’t replied yet…and probably never will. Don’t you wish you could have NRO’d that flitz?

2. First Game Of Pong
Possibly the only thing more stressful than flitzing. If you’re lucky, you manage to hit a few cups and salvage your dignity. But for the many that get golden tree’d and subsequently flaunt their crown jewels in a crowded frat basement, the NRO option could be a godsend.

3. Gorging On Food After A Night Out
You wake up for your 10A and look in the mirror. You try your best to pull on your skinny jeans (yikes!) You try to convince yourself that calories from Pong (and Late Night and EBAs) don’t count, but your waistline doesn’t agree. If only an NRO option existed for drunkenly stuffing your face.

4. Meeting The Parents
Your boyfriend’s or girlfriend's parents are in town and you score an invite to brunch at Pine. You can’t pass up an offer for free food (especially since KAF lattes have demolished your DBA). Nervous, you spend the entire evening trying (and failing) to make small talk, clumsily spilling your root beer and pretending to know everything there is about the Patriots. By the time you’re given the dessert menu, you are desperately wishing for a do-over.

5. First College Halloween Costume
You’ve been excited for your first college Halloweekend since Dimensions. But when Halloween finally rolls around, you’re so busy trying not to fail your classes that you flake on finding a costume. You throw something together from your closet and (limited) supply of flair…and nobody can guess what you are! Where’s the NRO when you need it most?

6. Fall Rush
By the end of round 1, you can’t feel your face and you pray you won’t have to talk about your extracurriculars ever again (spoiler alert: you will). You finally decide that Greek life just isn’t for you. The NRO wouldn’t get you back all that wasted time, but it would erase any record of you groveling for a bid.

7. Corporate Recruiting
You walk into your Goldman interview feeling confident about your 3.9 GPA and your rehearsed list of transferable skills. By the time you come out, though, you’ve planned six different phone calls with your parents explaining why you’ll be moving back home after graduation. Man, if only you could have NRO’d that interview!

8. Running The CHaD HERO
You naively made a New Year’s resolution to run the CHaD HERO in October. Race day soon rolls around and you quickly realize that you should’ve trained a little harder. If only there was an NRO to erase the image of you crawling across the finish line, drenched in sweat and humiliation.

9. First ~College~ Relationship
It probably happened one of three ways: you were trippees, freshman floormates or a DFMO-turned-relationship. Maybe you lasted a month, maybe longer, but it didn’t work out in the end. An NRO would wipe away all that emotional baggage…so your new fall fling never has to find out!

Maybe some day you’ll be able to NRO anything you want. But until then, remember:

Kate Hildreth