Top 7 Ways To Conceal Hard Alcohol

By Stacy Livingston, The Dartmouth Staff | 3/30/15 7:00am

March 28th — a balmy 35 degrees, move-in day and, of course, the moment we crossed the threshold into a hard-alcohol free world.

Now, I have the utmost faith in all of you, and no doubt you will be following the letter of the Dean Ameer law when it comes to anything fermented. But hypothetically, if you have no fear of probation, suspension, or even expulsion, here are a couple of innovative ways you could get shady about your alcohol consumption. You know, hypothetically.
Drink until you’re no longer worried about your uniboob with the Wine Rack:

Don’t worry, men can sacrifice their physical appearance at the altar of alcohol as well. Behold, the Beer Belly:

Get into your breakfast of champions with this banana flask:

Acquire a limp — or modify your graduation cane — so you can use one of these:

Decide that the outdoorsy Dartmouth lifestyle is finally speaking to you and get a pair of these babies:

And if you want to get cocky, there’s this. Bonus points for sex appeal:

Finally, stay hydrated during graduation and other formal occasions with the Flask Tie:

Stacy Livingston, The Dartmouth Staff