Freak of the Week: What a Rush

Dear Freak of the Week,

I asked an older guy out on a date and it seemed like he thought I was asking for a rush meal. We had it and it was basically a rush meal but I am now affiliated elsewhere. What do I do now? Help!

Sincerely,

What a Rush

Dear What a Rush,

I really can’t tell what kind of an ego this guy has that he thought you wanted a meal because you wanted to be in his Greek house and not because you thought he was attractive. He needs to be humbled, but maybe uplifted a bit, too, in terms of self esteem. 

First of all: You noting that it was “basically a rush meal” implies that the initial vibe wasn’t romantic. That’s okay, and this could be attributed to the fact that it technically was a rush meal, but still, it’s important to understand that there wasn’t that spark. 

You should figure out if you want to just pretend like it was never romantic, or if you want to ask him out for real. Now that all is said and done, if you’re affiliated elsewhere, I don’t think there’s any harm in reaching out and asking for a date. You need to specify so that he doesn’t think that you just got along with him and want to hang out again as friends. 

However, you should consider the social dynamics of asking him out. He’s older than you, and you met within the context of fraternity rush, which inherently creates a power imbalance. But, at this point, now that you’re both affiliated, I would argue that you’re on equal footing. 

Also, congratulations: You have acquired perhaps the only original experience on Dartmouth’s campus! That is something to celebrate, perhaps with a night of debauchery at your new fraternity house.

- Leila

Dear What a Rush,

If you haven’t come already, you will learn to absolutely despise rush meals. As someone who gave up on responding to texts to get rush meals near the end of week one this term, I congratulate you for even successfully scheduling one with this man –– maybe it’s even a sign that he likes you…

In all seriousness though, this is legitimately hilarious. Based on the situation, I’m worried that you might be a little too nonchalant when it comes to asking people out on a date. Did you say that you’d love to grab a meal or play pong at some point soon? If so, I don’t blame this guy for filing it away as a rush meal request, because those are the trademarked words. 

Good sign that you’re affiliated elsewhere. All the gay men I know on campus universally talk about how one of their no-goes is a guy in the same house as them, so at least you weren’t immediately removed from contention by virtue of joining his house.

I’m going to suggest something somewhat unconventional here. Are you close with any of the other members of this house that were present for deliberations? If so, reaching out to them may be a cheeky way to get some free intel on what he thinks about you. There’s a chance that he didn’t say anything, but was he a member of a coalition that advocated for you to be cut? If so, this could go one of two ways: Either he didn’t like you after the meal, or he wanted you so didn’t want to be affiliated in the same house. Did he advocate for you to get a bid? Perhaps most importantly, what did he say about you generally? If this avenue of information collection doesn’t work, I think there’s an extremely funny text or flitz in your future. 

Congratulations on becoming affiliated! I hope this term isn’t too bad and wish you more dates and less rush meals in the future –– I think that’d be good for both of us.

- Eli