Dear Freak of the Week,
My boyfriend has had an increasing interest in me after I’ve worked out, especially since we’ve had this recent warm spell. For various reasons, I think it has something to do with my sweaty armpits. I’m not sure how I feel about this — I want to be sexy for him but don’t know if I should talk to him about this armpit thing?
Sincerely,
Perspiration Princess
It’s about time this column delves into something a little bit more taboo than “does my situationship want something more” or “should I flitz this person.” Honestly, my first instinct with this question is to ask about a thousand more in return. The operative phrase that I think does a lot of lifting here is “for various reasons.” To me, this seems like an obscenely specific thing to be able to notice. Unless he’s very obviously ... smelling certain parts of you, I don’t know how I would be able to deduce this about my partner.
So, my initial response to this question is that I think there’s a good chance you might be off base. There could be about a million other factors at play other than the armpit thing that I think are probably more likely. But for the sake of argument, I’ll assume that you are absolutely right, and that your partner has something for you and smelly armpits.
I have a pretty simple take here, but maybe it’s a hot one. We’ve all been into something weird in our lives, and if you haven’t, you probably haven’t explored your romantic interests yet. It doesn’t have to be something as specific and off-beat as armpits, but maybe it’s some idiosyncrasy in your intimate life that your partner or others would look at, perhaps take a pause at and think “Hm” at. Since I’m a believer that these things are pretty normal in the grand scheme of what people do in the bedroom, I tend not to mind them. Obviously, different people have comfort levels, though. The key here is all about healthy communication.
It may feel weird, but if you’re so sure of this, the only thing left to ask him is if it’s actually a thing. Bring up why you think this, and perhaps suggest what you think is happening. Or, you could leave it open ended: “I’ve noticed that you’ve been particularly interested in me intimately after I workout on warm days. Is this actually something going on, because if so I’m just curious as to why?”
If your partner is comfortable enough to admit it, they’ll tell you. If not, they might try to avoid the conversation or deny it. Honestly, especially at this age when people don’t know much about their sex lives, I wouldn’t be surprised if the person tries to deny or shy away from the subject. If they do this, there’s not much you can do — you tried to bring it up, to no avail.
If they are open to talk about it and you are correct in your hypothesis, congratulations! You are probably more observant than I will ever be. Now, the ball is in your court. Are you okay with doing this for your partner, or do you want to get rid of your body odor before seeing them? Your answer is obviously perfectly appropriate either way, and they must respect it.
Good luck with this! I hope you both find the fulfillment that you’re looking for.
- Eli
Dear beloved reader, this is a great question! It is often flattering that boyfriends love us even when we are our sweatiest because it is nice to be seen as sexy when we aren’t trying. When your face is red and you are practically dripping, for a moment, looking at your boyfriend looking at you, you can imagine that you are like a Baywatch girl — effortlessly seductive. However, you quickly remember that you are sweaty in a way that normally would make you head directly for the shower; that generous, sexy image of yourself seems to dissolve.
However, reader, I am going to direct you towards some scholarship. One, as Freud — the sex god himself — said, smells are deeply sexual. This includes sweat. He said, as humans evolved into bipedalism, something about our anatomy shifted and our nasal cavity got worse. Therefore, instead of succumbing to the animalistic drive to smell our partners, we became more invested in the experience of engaging visually. Instead of relying on smell, we are turned on by looking at our partners.
It seems, dear reader, that you are not enjoying the lustful attention of your partner when you are standing in front of him post-workout as he basically growls at you in his carnal fervor. Either heed Freud and reject the notions of a cold modern world that tells you that you are not sexy while you are sweaty, or try out the full sensory experience, sweat and all. Or you could choose to feel sexy in the way that works for you. Tell your boyfriend to get it together and treat you like the modern-day princess that you are, and take a damn shower!
- Grace
Eli Moyse ’27 is an opinion editor and columnist for The Dartmouth. He studies government and creative writing. He publishes various personal work under a pen name on Substack (https://substack.com/@wesmercer), and you can find his other work in various publications.
