Dear Freak of the Week,
A bunch of my friends have recently been discussing a new trend that seems to be taking campus by storm. They claim that everyone can be categorized into one of two classes: an individual is either a gnome or a knight. Whenever I press them for more information, they always refuse to offer any, simply saying that “you can just tell which one everyone is.” On top of this classification, they say that everyone is either attracted to gnomes or knights. Basically, anyone can be classified into one of four categories: a gnome for a knight, a knight for a gnome, etc. Do you think there’s any credence to this whole thing? It seems a lot like astrology to me.
Love,
Gnome for Gnome
Welcome back everyone! We’re starting this year off with a doozy. In the rush of beginning new classes and meeting new people, it seems like very few of us have actually gotten into the business of starting a relationship, or at least none of our readers are submitting much about anything so far. Hence, the question about relationship astrology. Maybe if we answer this properly, you all might consider putting yourself out there? I guess we’ll see.
The version of this I’m most familiar with is frog versus rat. It was introduced to me in a very jarring manner when one of my friends proudly proclaimed that I was “definitely a rat” without any context. Now that I know what they mean, I certainly agree that I am a rat in the frog/rat dichotomy. I also think I understand what your friends are saying when they say that “you can just tell.” I don’t think there are any specific traits that make me a rat, for example, but it just intuitively seems true.
The gnome versus knight question is a little bit more charged. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like one is more preferable to the other. What are the characteristics of a knight? Usually brave, strong and valiant. And how about gnomes? The first thing that comes to mind is short, perhaps mischievous and certainly not heroic. Although I haven’t done a review of the literature, it seems to me that most anthropomorphized depictions of gnomes are exaggeratedly little, frequently cheeky and occasionally pest-like.
None of this is meant to be shade to people who identify as gnomes. In fact, I think I might be one of those people. The split here just strikes me as a little bit odd.
I think where the argument really falls apart is the exclusive attraction to either gnomes or knights. Looking back on it, I think I’ve been attracted to both gnomes and knights in my life, with no marked preference for either. So, dear reader, if you’re asking whether you should limit your dating pool to people who are labeled as a certain fantasy character by your friends, my answer is a definitive no.
I think this whole game might get at something a little bit deeper — our innate desire to categorize. I would encourage everyone to try to ignore gnome/knight dichotomies as you meet new people on campus, no matter how alluring they might seem. If you think you usually like rats, maybe approach a frog. You might just end up with a prince. Keep an open mind!
- Eli
Dear Gnome for Gnome,
I’ll be honest: Your skepticism seems valid. At first glance, this whole “gnome versus knight” classification system truly is essentially another astrology, a quirky way to categorize yourself. But I think there’s a valid reason that people might latch onto it, why it might actually feel meaningful, even if only in a symbolic way.
Humans are social creatures with an almost compulsive desire to belong. We crave categories not because they’re always accurate, but because they serve as a cheat code for community. Whether it’s Myers-Briggs, Enneagram types or “What kind of __ are you?” quizzes, we eat this stuff up. These systems give us a common language to talk about ourselves and each other. Saying “I’m a knight” or “I’m a gnome” is really just another way of saying “I have a tribe.” That sense of recognition and solidarity is powerful, especially in environments like college where identities are still being negotiated.
The knight/gnome split also plays directly into the most confusing and universal of all human experiences: love. Regardless of relationship status, everyone feels a little lost when it comes to romance. It’s not that we don’t care as much about other aspects of our lives, but few things leave us feeling as hopeless as attraction, heartbreak, longing. These classification systems, whether grounded in any kind of science or not, offer a way to bring order to what otherwise feels like chaos. Didn’t get a text back? Maybe you’re just a knight-for-gnome pining after another knight — tragic, but fated. Situationship didn’t work out? Obviously, you’re a gnome-for-knight and they’re a gnome, which means it was doomed from the start. That’s way less painful than “they’re just not that into you.”
Of course, neatness is an illusion. Life and love aren’t that simple. But sometimes the illusion itself serves a purpose. It reassures us that there is some underlying pattern, even if we can’t see it yet. It’s a comfort to imagine that the confusing crush who won’t text us back or the awkward first date that fizzled might just be explained by “gnome versus knight” rather than some personal failing.
That’s where I think the real value of this trend lies. The truth here isn’t that campus is secretly divided into two warring clans of gnomes and knights. The truth is that we want systems like this because they help us make sense of ourselves and the people we’re drawn to. They help us reflect, recognize the archetypes we’re drawn to, laugh at the absurdity of trying to decode the mysteries of love. They give us permission to ask: Do I crave stability or adventure? Do I see myself as the safe one or the dramatic one? Maybe a gnome represents groundedness, routine, comfort. Maybe a knight stands for boldness, adventure, risk. Or maybe it’s all nonsense. Either way, talking about it gets us closer to articulating what we want, or at least acknowledging that we don’t always know.
Seeing the truth here means recognizing that these categories are a mirror, not a map. They won’t actually chart the path to your soulmate for you, but they can help you see your own tendencies reflected back at you. So no, I don’t think you should treat this system as a grand revelation that explains everything about attraction. But I also wouldn’t dismiss it outright. The knight/gnome conversation is just another reminder that everyone is searching for clarity in the messy realm of love. The categories may be arbitrary, but the longing they speak to — the need to belong, the desire to understand ourselves and each other — is very real. Plus, they’re just plain fun.
- Aditi (guest writer)
Freak of the Week is a weekly relationship advice column co-written by Leila Brady ’27 and Eli Moyse ’27. If you’d like to submit a question, email it to dartmouthfreakoftheweek@gmail.com.
Eli Moyse ’27 is an opinion editor and columnist for The Dartmouth. He studies government and creative writing. He publishes various personal work under a pen name on Substack (https://substack.com/@wesmercer), and you can find his other work in various publications.
Aditi Gupta ’27 is a Mirror editor from Ridgefield, Conn. She is majoring in Biology with minors in Global Health and English. On campus, she spends most of her time working in a cell biology lab. She hopes to pursue a career that integrates her love for scientific research with her broader academic interests in health and literature.
