My first candidate, Tim "Bill" Connor '13, showed strong performances on the steroid test (positive), blood test (O-positive) and first-kiss test (Spin the Bottle with Kate Rooney).
I released him, though, after Bruiser Ludlow, founding Legend, alerted me, "Dude, this kid can't swim. Have you looked at his Facebook photos? None of them are in water."
The next day, I received an angry note from Connor's mother Nancy, who claimed to have "Google-mapped the sh*t out of my house."
I decided to give the young man a shot.
I soon learned that Connor is involved in a vid-chat tussle with his high school sweetheart over her refusal to wear his varsity Morristown-Beard jacket to prom. He came to me for advice, and I instructed him to blitz every Jessica and Michelle in the DND, searching for a new jacket wearer.
Jessie Hartman '11 responded, "Hey! I think I know a bunch of girls who'd love to wear Tim's varsity jacket. Head over to Leede Arena at 7 p.m. tonight."
Now, Connor was not going to give his varsity jacket to just anyone, and we looked into this Hartman character.
We were rather disturbed by her California upbringing and passion for photography, but then we heard she captained the women's volleyball team.
We knew then that we had a person worthy of Connor's jacket as well as a Rec League Challenge.
We arrived at the Arena at 7 p.m., where the whole team, coaching staff, "bumping" music and hundreds of volleyballs greeted us. We proposed the challenge to Hartman and she warned, "If you injure a player, I'll kill you."
Connor "dug" the sass and said, "I'm just gonna play my game."
The ladies demonstrated proper "bump" technique, but I refused, "I only spike."
I wondered though, "Are you allowed to spike in women's volleyball?"
Hartman smirked and told her team to get in setting and spiking lines. Fear struck the hearts of the Legends, but Connor patted me on the back and said, "Come on baby. Keep your enigma hot."
Connor was upset that he couldn't elevate enough to get a good spike, and head coach Ann Marie Larese comforted the Little Legend, "It's alright, Timmy. You'd probably be a Libero anyway."
I jumped in and said, "I think Tim's a Gemini, though." Nobody laughed.
It was finally game time. Annie Villenueva '12 hit a fierce overhand serve.
Katz dig.
Connor set.
Katz kill.
Katz point at coach. Connor yell.
The standing-room only crowd of Brian "Bob" O'Toole '12, Hansi "Rick" Wiens (Universitt Germany '89) and Sir Stephen Wetherill '08 did not react, though. Madeline Baird '12 notified the Legends that we had not actually scored a point, for we were not serving.
Connor tried to quick-serve but it bounced once, twice, then cleared the net. Hartman gracefully allowed a second serve, only underhand, though, from the wild Connor. Connor disobeyed and sent an overhand ace into the back right corner and a glare to Coach in the back left corner.
All was well, then all was not well. An out-of-position Connor got beaned in the face with an Alissa Santa Maria '13 kill, his face swelled, and the Legends lost, 15-4.
We'd like to thank the women's volleyball team for their hospitality, winks and athleticism.
Connor has not chosen a new wearer of his jacket yet, but he'd like any still-interested athletes to call him at 603-643-3003.
The team continues its dominant Ivy campaign at home this weekend against Cornell University (Friday at 7 p.m.) and Columbia University (Saturday at 4 p.m.). The Legends will be there, will you?
