For Halloween this year, I attempted to dress up as Rafiki from "The Lion King." I painted my face red, yellow and blue, tied some orange gourd-looking things to a stick and found a baby lion stuffed animal to carry around. I actually thought I had nailed the costume.
Reactions were pretty mixed, however. Only about 50 percent of the people I saw knew who I was, and those were only the people I directly talked to. I can only imagine what I must have looked like to people who didn't know me. They probably said, "Rafiki looked pretty freaky."
OK, I know I'm a tool, but once I thought of that little rhyme there was no way I was cutting it out. Anyway, by far the most memorable reaction I got was from some girl who came up to me and said, "You know you have no chance with anyone tonight. Right?"
Thanks, appreciate the confidence.
She was obviously right clearly, I should have gone with a Tarzan outfit or something. But whatever. In the words of Rafiki himself, "It doesn't matter. It's in the past."
So in the spirit of Halloween costumes, I decided to compose a list of the best sports Halloween costumes of 2009.
(1) Plaxico Burress This one could be done in two different ways. Just throw a Plax jersey on, paint some blood on your leg, and walk around with a limp. Or, dress up in a convict outfit, write PLAX on your nametag, and walk around with a limp. Also, this costume is great because you can pretty much get away with anything all night, ranging from spilling drinks to grazing certain body parts just always say it was "accidental."
(2) Brett Favre Throw on a Favre jersey, go to a party for a little bit, tell people you are thinking about leaving the party, and then leave the party. Repeat this throughout the night. If you can come back with different Favre jerseys each time, that would be ideal.
Speaking of Favre, though, imagine going out and seeing an ex-girlfriend looking great with her new boyfriend. Also, imagine that you are now with your current, far less-attractive girlfriend.
And finally, imagine that your ex-girlfriend is so happy that she won't even acknowledge you. That would suck. Well, that's how the entire city of Green Bay must have felt this weekend. Favre was the ex who refused to acknowledge Green Bay fans, and Rodgers was the new girlfriend.
(3) Raiders head coach Tom Cable Dress up in a Raiders collared shirt and walk around choking people all night. He's been accused of domestic violence now too, but I'd recommend avoiding incorporating that into the costume.
(4) Injured Kevin Garnett Remember what Kevin Garnett looked like on the sidelines during the playoffs last year? Every single game he was the scariest human being on the court, constantly screaming with veins pooping out of his head. To pull this off, you'd have to be the most high-intensity person in the basement. Multiple Red Bulls probably required.
(5) Lingerie Football League Player Really the biggest reason I decided to make this list was so I could tell people about the LFL. This is a real league. It's a bunch of women wearing bikinis and lots of makeup and playing tackle football. Yet for some reason, DarTV does not broadcast these games.
For those who are interested, there are 10 teams in the league, with names such as the Miami Caliente, the LA Temptation, the San Diego Seduction and the Dallas Desire. The league's motto is "True Fantasy Football," and its mission statement involves providing "unyielding access to players." It's probably sports' best-kept secret.
Anyway, I know it's a little late, but this would have been a great costume idea for women. Plus, I guarantee you wouldn't be told, "You have no chance with anyone tonight."
(6) Andre Agassi or Michael Phelps At the very least, both would be a decent excuse to do a little experimentation with drugs.
(7) Michael Crabtree I think this is another costume that girls could pull off better than boys. Basically, just dress in Crabtree jersey and be as much of a tease as possible all night. Keep acting like you are about commit with some guy, then at the least second, "hold out."
(8) Chad Ochocinco See if you can go the entire night only using Chad Ochocinco catchphrases. So basically, all you can say is "child please" and "kiss the baby." I actually think that could be a lot of fun.
(9) Tim Tebow Wear a Tebow jersey and walk around scolding everybody for drinking. However and this is just a warning this might also result in a, "You know you have no chance with anyone tonight, right?"
