There's a reason the entertainment
industry calls it Summer
Burn-off Theater. Networks consider
their summer schedules the
perennial ugly stepsister of the fall
and spring.
For the big networks, summer
lineups are a place to dump leftover
programming and bad reality
shows. Few new shows emerge to
earn a spot on the fall lineup, and
even fewer old shows regain an
audience. After sweeps in May,
quality on the networks is as hard
to find as a scrap of modesty in the
head of Kanye West.
This season viewers could
tune into lowlights like "Age
of Love," on which tennis star
Mark Philipoussis chose the kitten
rather than the cougar -- oh
the drama! Not that the premise
(some women in their 20s, some
in their 40s) was necessarily bad
-- dating shows have bombed
in worse style (take 2003's "Mr.
Personality," hosted by Monica
Lewinsky: women dated masked
men).
What killed "Age of Love" was
its flirtation with two formats --
the credible, non-gimmicky "The
Bachelor" and the joyously selfunaware
and silly "Beauty and the
Geek" -- and its refusal to stick
to one or the other. It didn't help
that despite his colorful exploits in
Australian tabloids, Philipoussis
had as much personality as your
average tennis ball.
Two other washed-up pop
icons graced the big networks:
N*SYNCer Joey Fatone and
Wayne Brady, hosts of "Singing
Bee" on NBC and the FOX knockof
f "Don't Forget the Lyrics,"
respectively.
NBC's version of the karaoke
gameshow looked something
like a cheerleader on ecstasy:
backup dancers in sequined bee
costumes, the works. Fatone
channeled his best overgrownboy-
bander enthusiasm, seeming
a bit inappropriate on someone of
his age and celebrity status. He
reminded me of an irritating b'nai
mitzvah emcee being paid to entertain
off-pitch adult contestants
in place of awkward 13-year olds
in a temple.
Unsurprisingly, the copycat
show, "Don't Forget the Lyrics,"
wasn't much better. While
contestants tried to remember
the lyrics, I liked to think Wayne
Brady was going to crack without
warning at any moment and shout
"Is Wayne Brady gonna have to
choke a bitch?"
You could say that these shows
have a particular sort of guilty
pleasure enter tainment value,
however tasteless they may be,
but even that would be giving the
viewing public too much credit for
watching them.
The closest the networks got
to quality wasn't even a show
itself, rather a moment within an
increasingly irrelevant tradition:
the Best Comedy win for the
series "30 Rock" at the Emmy
Awards. And maybe this doesn't
even count as part of the summer
season, because "30 Rock" is on
the fall schedule, and the Emmys
-- which aired three Sundays
ago -- technically were in the fall
too.
Thank you, Dar tmouth, for
screwing up my conception of the
summer/fall transition.
You should hit yourself if you
don't watch "30 Rock." It's fun
and snappy, and its win thankfully
redeemed an Emmy broadcast
that tried too hard to be relevant
-- like when host Ryan Seacrest
joked about Vanessa Hudgens
of "High School Musical" fame.
Please. The Emmys aren't TMZ.
There's no use blaming the
networks for the state of summer
programming. Television is 99 percent
ratings-driven. And frankly,
in the summer, people in the 18-49
demo have better things to do than
sit in front of the tube.
The networks think logically:
save the best stuff for the fall,
strategically fill empty timeslots
with reruns and hope the new
summer stock at least keeps its
head above water.
For most of us the appeal of
summer TV is basic cable, whose
summer output surpasses that
of the networks year after year.
Successful shows included "The
Closer" and "Saving Grace" on
TNT, "Army Wives" on Lifetime,
"Burn Notice" on USA and "Damages"
on FX. The best of the
summer crop was "Mad Men," a
seductive drama on AMC about a
1960s advertising agency. Nothing
on HBO or Showtime even came
close. Sorry, "Entourage."
The networks also ought to take
a cue from Bravo, the aptly-named
cable outlet that has reinvented
and refined the reality formula.
Its summer lineup included the
excellent "Top Chef" and the
Emmy-winner for Best Reality
Series (non-competition) "Kathy
Griffin: My Life on the D-List."
"Top Chef," like "Project Runway,"
excels by casting talented
and interesting contestants who
aren't camera-hungry in the way
so many reality stars are.
I'm not going to lie. Between
endless "America's Next Top
Model" reruns and Best Week
Ever-esque programming, MTV
and VH1 took up a fair share of
my viewing attention this summer.
The summer season is just that
bad. Bring on fall TV
