My first idea was to set up an Easy Bake oven to produce an alluring cookie aroma and lure unsuspecting floormates and drunkards into my room, where I would pounce upon them and make them my friends. Unfortunately, I realized that A: ovens are forbidden by ORL (foiled again) and B: all my friends would be fat.
So, how do you legally turn your dorm room into a social Venus flytrap? The tried and true method of so many freshmen before you: posters. Trust me; by the end of orientation, I had successfully seduced an unsuspecting East Wheelock girl to practically live in my room with me " sans Easy Bake; it could only have been the hypnotizingly-"cool" images on my walls.
The first step towards poster-induced "je ne sais quoi" is to avoid the pitfall cliches. Girls, if Audrey Hepburn is your paragon of class and womanhood, that's fine; "Breakfast at Tiffany's" posters, however, are not fine. It's been done. And boys: John Belushi rocking his COLLEGE sweatshirt in "Animal House" -- I know, I know, it was based on Alpha Delta fraternity -- still not OK. Audrey's been beaten into our collective retinas, and this classic movie poster is blindingly common on dudes' walls everywhere.
The next cardinal rule of college dorm posters: no alcohol, no drugs. If you want to proclaim how hard you raaaage, stock your fridge. If you want to proclaim how irie you are, a rolled towel by the door will do. None of those "Choose Drinking" or "Choose Marijuana" posters, please. Nothing produced by an alcohol manufacturer of any kind, either. Boozy posters are a sure way to spot a "faux ho" -- you know, that girl/guy who isn't as slutty or ragey as they claim to be. You might as well put up a poster that says "I'm trying too hard."
Art posters can be acceptable, if done correctly. Pick a favorite image or artist (if this means Van Gogh or Warhol, then crawl into a hole instead) and be prepared to talk about it. Whatever you put up, at least Wiki the artist and come up with a sound bite to parrot to all your potential friends. For example, if you think you can tread water in the deep end and you've proudly pinned up a Gerhard Richter: "Mertz was never commercial enough for posters, so I got this instead." Or, if you're reading this and already mentally tearing up the poster of Monet's "Water lillies" that Auntie Art History got you, stop. The situation can be salvaged: "Oh that? Who did you say it was? I just like pretty things."
Speaking of pretty things, a great way to adorn your walls, and probably the best way to hold someone's attention: a mirror. Get one of those five-dollar full-length mirrors, bend it slightly so that it elongates the viewer, and put it in the corner. The faux hos will love it, and they'll keep coming back.
Posters of musicians, actors, scantily clad women -- I won't even bother trying to warn you, if you're still considering that (you clearly aren't understanding my point here). I will say there are better uses for your wall space. Pictures, for example. Take a bulletin board and tack up a million fun pictures of your friends from home, just make sure it looks like you didn't even have time to arrange them, you're just so, so fun! If you feel inclined to keep a framed family portrait on your desk, don't. Remember, we're all trying to hide how WASP-y and Legacy ridden we are; don't upset the charade.
The most important ingredient in the friend-potion of wall trappings is the unknown, the X factor. A stolen road sign from your hometown, a pinned up letter from a friend, a piece of original art -- whatever you put on your walls, make sure no one else can recreate it. Make sure it starts a conversation. And make sure it's at least interesting enough to mesmerize an East Wheeze for a month or two.
