Woke up, fell out of bed, pulled a gun (a Smith and Wesson) out from under my head. Then I shot to hell the thang that was making noise. Turned out to be my alarm clock. Made my way downstairs, and I yelled at my wife to tell her to get her lazy butt out of bed to make me some breakfast. As I waited for my meal, I complained about taxes. While I ate, I complained about taxes. When I went to do my morning job in the john, I complained about taxes.
Then I got into my pickup, put on some country, and drove to work at the construction site. At work a few of us got bored, so we snuck off to go shoot some stuff. I left work early, and on my way home I paid a visit to the drive-thru Ammo, Liquor, and Tobacco store, where I bought a couple hundred rounds, a 6-pack of cheap beer and 12 packs of cigs. I was thirsty, so I opened up a beer and started drinking as I drove home.
When I got home, I plopped myself in front of the TV, and I yelled at my wife to tell her to get her lazy butt out of her chair to make me some supper. While supper was cooking, I watched NASCAR and finished off the 6-pack I bought. Then I turned the channel and I saw our president talking. Didn't understand much of what he said, but he seems like a good ol' Southern boy, so he's alright by me. TV got boring, so got my special NRA hat and went off to shoot some stuff. Then my wife called me in for supper.
After supper I was bored so I went to shoot some stuff with the boys. Got home drunk around two in the morning and then I went to bed.
Woke up, fell out of bed, I was so hungover I wished I was dead. Then I realized I had missed all my classes, so I decided to smoke some pot. Got bored of that so I decided to go protest something. This week's protests were about the mistreatment of green-eyed fruit flies. At the protest I talked with other students about how George W. Bush sucks. Some of us went to eat an organic lunch and over the meal we talked about how George W. Bush sucks. While we recycled everything in sight (paper, plastic, soda cans, Republicans) we talked about how George W. Bush sucks.
Then I went to the library to read some Marx and Mao. Got some strange looks when I started praising communism out loud. Got even more stares when I started copying some Marxist ideals onto a big poster board. Got beat up when a bunch of McCarthy-lovers who work for the school's conservative paper saw me. To deal with the pain of the beating I smoked some more pot and protested stuff some more.
I skipped dinner because I decided to fast in protest of the fact that the U.S. has a military. On the way to my dorm room, I saw a policeman, so naturally I called him "baby killer." In my room I wrote a manifesto in support of equal rights for everyone and everything -- equality for all races, religions, sexual orientations, and equality for all the different species of animals. Got drunk and stoned and went to bed.
Woke up, fell out of bed, thought I heard my cell phone go off so I stuck it to my head. Then I turned on the TV to make sure that I had made a million dollars in the stock market the day before. Found out I only made half a million, so I broke down and cried a bit. The wife was yelling after the kids to get into the Benz so they wouldn't be late for their first day of private school. I ate the breakfast the cook had prepared, and read the paper and complained about how minorities are getting too much equality because of the damned liberals. As I sorted through mail from the day before, I saw something from the IRS and complained about how I can only keep 12 out of the 20 million I make every year because of the damned liberals. While my servants helped me defecate, I complained about how saving the environment was going to hurt my company from producing pollution because of the damned liberals.
I got into my Beemer, and drove through an hour of traffic to get to work. My secretary gave me a little wink along with her "Good morning" so I gave her a little smack on the ass. I worked for about hour, then I went to lunch for two hours. After lunch I was tired so I decided to take a nap on the leather couch in my office. After I got up, I stared out the window for a while and wondered why poor people exist. I mean, I have so much money -- why can't they?
I got home around eight o'clock, and my wife scolded me for missing dinner. I lied and told her I was working hard all day. The kids were doing their homework while watching some kind of violence and sex filled movie on TV. I didn't really care, so I grabbed some dinner and swallowed a martini and went to bed.
Stereotypes " aren't they great?
