I attended the "Men as Allies" presentation on April 19th, which aimed to include men in the conversation to end sexual violence. 105 Dartmouth Hall was filled with at least 200 men. I was so happy to be in that room for the purpose of finding ways where men and women can begin or continue to communicate as human beings. Two hours later, the presenters informed us that we would "now break up into small groups for about 40 minutes" (groans from the crowd -- myself included). Then I actually became excited at the prospect. Here was a group of men who would not normally attend a presentation like this, but they were surrounding me! Maybe we could share our views and I could share my opinion about the many things that keep me from sleeping at night.
Then everyone stood up from their seats and began sneaking out of 105 Dartmouth except for maybe 20 men who went upstairs to discuss the presentation. Fear wrenched my stomach. "Wait! Listen," I screamed inside, "I have so much to share with you. Please wait so that we can both begin to understand each other." And I jumped over a row of chairs, ready to take the microphone and be heard.
What I wanted to say on the microphone, in front of the 200 men present, is the following:
"I want the men to know that I love and respect them just as much as I love and respect women. Many men and women have told me that they felt alienated by my actions on campus (which I will detail later in this article). Alienation is not my intention -- my intention is and has always been to prompt people to question their thoughts and their actions."
But, instead, I hesitated. I looked around the emptying room and I hung my head in failure. I missed my chance to speak. So, my female friend and I hung around 105 Dartmouth and spoke individually to two men. Jocelyn and I both left 105 Dartmouth three hours after entering the room, glad to have attended. I could not help but hug my friend, the man I spoke to after the presentation, who took his bequested hard-guy jacket and replaced the Indian symbol with a huge Dartmouth Moose mascot patch. On an individual level, at the presentation, I think we all learned to take individual action against words or actions that are not in alignment with our beliefs. His action spoke novels to me.
In the spring of last year, I heard a rumor that Theta Delta Chi fraternity created a t-shirt for their Green Key weekend pig roast. The quote on the back? "Enjoying pigs since 1972." 1972 marks the year of Coeducation of Dartmouth College.
I was enraged upon hearing this. So were some of my women friends. We began to formulate a plan of action. The Theta Delt toga party was on Thursday night. How about surrounding TD with students joining hands and informing students in togas of what Theta Delt decided was the theme of the year's Pig Roast? It could be an act against Theta Delt, informing the brothers that we did not condone Theta Delt's attitudes towards women.
Hold on.
"This is a rumor. We have no evidence," I said. "Let me email my friends at Theta Delt and ask if the rumor is, in fact, true." So I did. The President of Theta Delt responded with what seemed like a heartfelt response. As I recall, he said a few brothers presented the idea at meetings, but the president assured me that the idea was immediately 'squashed.' I thought this was admirable: the brothers of the house thought this t-shirt idea was wrong and they decided not to print it. This was such an improvement from the previous Theta Delta pig roast t-shirt: "We'll let you in our back door if you let us in yours." This quote was accompanied a lovely image. I will let you, reader, ask someone what that image was.)
This fall, Ben Gebre-Medhin, '02 member of Alpha Delta fraternity, led the impressive gender and race panels on campus. As I recall, it was there that a Theta Delta member asked the audience if Theta Delt had supposedly printed t-shirts with the 'Enjoying' theme, why were so many women at the toga party that night? Women have to start making themselves accountable. Why did they go to Theta Delt? That just sends the message that they condone that kind of behavior, whether or not the shirts were actually printed.
I heard these statements and I hung my head in shame. That night of the Theta Delt toga party I had told the women not to react because I did not want to punish the members of a fraternity for realizing the "Enjoying pigs since 1972" was not in good taste. It was my fault that the women did not react.
This winter, when I read the account by Anonymous on the Generic Good Morning Message student news service, I was shocked, yet again. Were my friends in Psi Upsilon sitting by idly and letting the 'Scalp 'emScalp those bitches' chant continue? I copied, pasted, and forwarded the account by Anonymous to, well, many people. At the top of my messages I stated, "If this makes you as angry as it makes me, please write to any Psi Upsilon member you know." Now, Katie, how can you say that the actions of a few members reflect the actions of an entire house?
When my sorority invited the members of Psi Upsilon over to our house, I was the first to speak. Now I stand corrected -- it was wrong of me to assume the actions of a few dictate the actions of an entire house. I do not want to demand anything of any of you [Psi Upsilon members]. I hope that you will decide for yourselves to educate yourselves. Have you ever been to the incredible pow-wow held every spring? Do you know how degrading the Indian symbol is, especially to Native Americans? Do you understand that a woman walking alone at night felt threatened by drunken, menacing and aggressive shouts? I hope that you will decide to educate yourselves.
Now this term, we have "The Zetemouth." I read The Dartmouth on Wednesday morning. I immediately blitzed my friends in Zeta Psi. Subject: challenge -- I dare you to wear your Zeta Psi letters proudly. The response from my friend was, "Ok, babe." This friend was actually one of my best friends during my freshman and part of my sophomore year until we started traveling down different paths.
I asked him "If someone else in Zeta Psi slandered me in the publication, would you have said anything to defend me?" His response, " I can't really do anything about itMaybe I'm missing a bigger picture. Maybe I'm missing a friend. But it's the latter that hurts me much more the former" (I don't understand his response).
Yes, he is missing the bigger picture. Yes, he is missing a friend. I believe these two statements go hand in hand. Readers, I implore you to question the bigger picture. I am tired. I am tired of having the same conversation over and over and over again. Same message, different players. It's like the men not directly involved in each incident think that sexism is something they do not have to worry about as long as the spotlight is not on them.
I'm too tired to convince my former friend that he should respect me as a human being. I'm always willing to listen to both sides of an issue and I am not afraid to correct myself if I do wrong. I am begging you, Dartmouth students, to question your thoughts and your actions. I want people to communicate these thoughts and support these thoughts with ensuing actions. Tell me what you mean, and mean what you say.
I know that everyone who attends Dartmouth has the power, the ability, and the creativity to reach beyond narrow-minded thoughts and attitudes. Please open your eyes, ears, hearts, and minds to the amazing people around you. Find out what others stand for and believe. And please, ask why.
