So I'm pretty sure that Tipper Gore and I are going to end up best friends. I mean, as soon as she realizes that it's possible; yeah, we'll definitely be best friends.
It's not like I'm totally insane in my dream for a really cool, famous friend in the world. Tipper and I have met twice, so we're almost best friends. Well, the first time we definitely met; the second time I guess she kind walked away before shaking my hand.
It was pretty sad, especially considering that it was some big Forbes supporter or something that stood in front of me, causing Tipper to miss her biggest fan and future confidant.
She was making a point to meet everyone in the room, to sign autographs, to answer questions and to receive praise. But then, as the Forbes guy put his giant self in front of me, I saw my buddy throw her scarf around her neck and whisper to one of her guard-types before breezing out of Rocky to another campaign hot spot.
The disappointment I felt at that moment was almost enough to move me to tears " and that's when I realized my destiny, my calling to be Tipper's most beloved sidekick.
I feel like I could really help her out, offer her support and be there when she gets sick of all that political stuff. Yeah, it's a big job, but someone's got to be there for old Tip.
In fact, Tipper's the only reason I went through all of that hassle to change my residence to this tiny state across the country. She's the only reason I put up with those people working at the polls, who so snottily refused to admit that I may have been the last person in the entire state to vote in the primary.
Really, the polls had technically already closed, making me the last one in Hanover to color in my little oval, so how were they so sure that I wasn't the absolute last? Why did they have to ruin my story?
But it doesn't matter. All that matters is that I was there for Tipper, there to make sure her dear husband won the primary. And it's critical that he gets the nomination and then becomes President; for if she doesn't become First Lady, Tipper might lose some of her friend-appeal.
I mean, right now, Tipper is just so cool. She and I will have so much fun just going out to lunch and hanging out with Al and her kids. She and my mom will probably get along, but I'll be the real best friend, of course. Tipper wouldn't care that I'm considerably younger. She's very energetic and youthful.
Plus, we both have the same middle name -- we're soul mates.
I'll have so much fun making sarcastic comments and giggling with her while Al's trying to give speeches. She'll love my clever observations " she won't know how she ever got along without me.
And considering how busy the Gores must be, they probably don't get to see many movies. So I'll make them go, and we'll have so much fun unless Tipper gets all weird about her censorship stuff, but I'll help her get over that. I'll be a really good best friend, not just some stupid adoring fan.
However, I will admit to being one small step away from total political ignorance. But from what I do know, Tipper's the one we want in the White House.
According to her very own webpage, Tipper's big into helping children and homeless people. Very important. And you have to respect her willingness to discuss mental illness, as well as her plans to try to de-stigmatize it.
In a dream I had a few nights ago -- in which Tipper and I were best friends, obviously -- she was really cool about her depression, comfortable enough to laugh about it but also help those around her in need. What a perfect friend.
In any case, I hope that Tipper doesn't consider me some kind of weird friend-stalker or something once we become friends. I mean, I'm certainly not as obsessed as this friend of mine who worries that Gwyneth Paltrow, her best friend, won't like being referred to as Gwyn or won't be friends with an average, cool but not super-cool person. You never know -- Gwyneth might be a little superficial, as she's a part of that Hollywood scene, not like Tipper.
Well, okay, I guess I might sound a little crazy. But what can you do? This is an idiot's take on politics, my friends. And think of all the idiots out there who vote " idiots who need a woman like Tipper to make sure someone takes care of us crazies.
