With the success of "Scream" and its follow-up, "Scream 2," it seems like all of Hollywood is attempting to capitalize with copycat youthful funny horror flicks. Who better to make some dough on this gore bonanza than the original teen slashing franchise, "Halloween." It was the ultimate horror success, filmed for a meager $325,000 and grossing over $45 million dollars. It put John Carpenter and Jamie Lee Curtis on the map and received virtually universal acclaim.
Now, 20 years later, the franchise is a joke -- no one believed the series would be resurrected. But here we are with "Halloween H20: Twenty Years Later." It's a cumbersome title, but one that neatly avoids the fact that it is the seventh entry in this series, giving it a new feeling.
The horror genre has never claimed that plot was the most crucial of its assets, but I'll fill you in nonetheless. Essentially: Michael Myers is back. Yep, you guessed it. Now, young Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee), ex-babysitter, has changed her name to Keri Tate and is headmistress to the ultra-posh Hillcrest Academy. She's got a kid and a new man, but Halloween is coming and she hasn't quite gotten past certain defining moments of her past. And the man who brought us "Scream," Kevin Williamson, is writing the script.
Now Laurie's a total nutcase, an alcoholic pill-popper, seeing Michael's horrifying face (a painted William Shatner mask, truly a bloodcurdling visage) everywhere she goes. Her obligatorily angst-ridden kid (Josh Hartnett) can't handle her totally psychotic nature.
Myers kicks it right off in the opening scene, chalking up a couple more notches on ye olde carving knife. Director Steve Miner follows that up with a montage that I think is supposed to be chilling. While it does a good job educating the Halloween virgins, it insists on featuring a silly-looking pencil drawing of the masked Michael Myers that evoked giggles from the audience.
The first half of this 82-minute film spends most of its time introducing its fodder. We have Laurie/Keri, son John the brooder, "Dawson's Creek's" Michelle Williams as his cute little girlfriend, Molly, Will the sensitive guidance counselor lover, the two teen best buddies of John and Molly and the masterful L.L. Cool J as the most befuddled security guard on record. This cast comes free with Dead/Gonna Make It stamps on their good-looking foreheads.
"Halloween H20" just doesn't really work because it's hard to get worked up about non-characters. In this movie, those who didn't have the good fortune to play a flat stereotype don't even get a character to play. The teens get some Williamson-esque dialogue, but that's where it ends.
Another area where "H20" misses the mark is in its focus. The "Screams" and "I Know What you Did Last" have been successful because teens gave up their allowances and baby-sitting bucks for movie tickets. These are not films that capitalized on the buying power of the baby boomers. Unfortunately for this flick, baby boomers are exactly who the makers want us to care about.
Teenagers make great, interesting victims because of their unique position in the power structure of life. Authority figures don't believe their wild tales. They don't wish the help of authority figures. They don't have the same rights as adults. Yet, they are frequently alone, unsupervised and unprotected.
More must be expected from an adult who had been through the tragedy that Laurie had. Where's her cell phone? Yes, at least she keeps a handgun under her pillow, but one would think she'd at least have a cell phone. I mean, psycho killers always immediately cut the phones. Myers pulls that trick after roughly 10 seconds inside the school, but I guess one should expect some expertise from him ... it is his seventh appearance.
After a set-up jam packed with pseudo-scares and fake-you-out Myers attacks, the flick runs through its final paces in a virtually continuous Myers assault. This is only the second attack of the movie, but it continues all the way to the end. At least we can thank the end for being final. Like her '90s heroine counterparts, Laurie finally wises up and realizes the only good horror villain is a brutally and obviously dead one. Hopefully, "H20's" box office take will deal a similar blow to this once venerable franchise.
