I read C and P's column on Wednesday [The Dartmouth, June 9, 1997] concerning dating at Dartmouth and felt that someone needed to set the record straight. I am sick of all these pointless cliches, and downright wrong ideas concerning what is going on with the Dartmouth dating scene.
C and P make the oh-so-astute observation that most men are only interested in short term flings, while our heroines are desperately seeking long term relationships. Come on. Anyone who has actually dated at Dartmouth, or even had friends who have dated knows this is false.
Now, I'll admit that I'm in the minority of Dartmouth students in that I am in a long-term relationship, going on three years, with the most beautiful woman that I have ever known. I have also suffered through off-terms, leave terms, FSPs, LSAs, exchanges, etc. As a result, I have had many lonely terms, many no sex terms, and many huge phone bills. But I have also been able to analyze both my relationship and many relationships that my friends, both male and female have had. One thing is clear: these sexist, stereotyped ideas concerning what men and women want are totally false.
This is the '90s, and we are in college. Many women are now comfortable in and actually seek out one-night stands, "hook-ups" (whatever the hell that means, I've never figured it out, but I use it like everyone else) and even more stable, casual sex relationships. This is not necessarily a bad thing. There is no reason why men should be able to want these types of encounters and be praised for "scoring," while women are told not to want these encounters, and those who do are called sluts. That's crap, and I think that most Dartmouth students would agree with me.
However, there are still tons of C and Ps out there who perpetuate this false stereotype. Let's not forget that it takes two to tango (even horizontally) and that all of these women who participate in one-night stands are not being beguiled by smooth Dartmouth men. In fact, I have heard of many stories in which it is the male who wants a relationship, commitment, or something more than just "hook-ups," but it is the woman that wants her freedom, her chance to experiment. Again, I'm not saying that this is wrong, or that we should all be living the 1950s' stereotypical lie. But, we need to realize that the truth is not as simple as C and P make it out to be.
As well, we need to realize there is an implict criticism of both hook-ups and men in the stereotypical way of thinking. It is implied that long-term relationships are what people should really want. I don't think that anyone should really tell everyone else what they want. But on a deeper level, men are being critized for subverting women from this correct desire to settle down. Not only is this line of thinking wrong, but in reality it is people, both men and women, who are desiring one-night stands, and I am sick of being lumped into this catagory simply because I am a guy.
In fact, no discussion on Dartmouth's dating scene ever discusses Dartmouth's gay and bisexual community. Clearly these simple stereotypes of pure women seeking love and evil men seeking cheap sex don't quite apply to gay couples. However, the gay community, like the straight community, mirrors Dartmouth's patterns of frequent "hook-ups" and few relationships.
I, for one, have come to the point where I've decided that "hook-ups" and casual sex aren't for me. It's very difficult for a man to say that. Men are the ones who are supposed to want these things. This is society's message to us. We are told that it is wimpy, unmasculine to want a relationship, and that our fellow peers, or brothers if we are in a Greek house, would look down on us if we don't try to score all the time. Again, this is a false stereotype. While there are many Chi-Scams out there, the are also tons of men, in Greek houses too, that really want and seek long-term relationships, and are not interested in "hook-ups" and casual sex. And although it might be unpopular to publicly say so, I feel like I need to set the C and Ps out there straight.
Realizing that there are tons of women out there who go out looking for one-night flings, we need to stop critizing them. They aren't being unfeminine, or slutty, they are just doing what we men are told to want to do. Women pick up on society's messages, which are even more contradictory to women, just like men do. And college is the time to explore one's sexuality and what one wants, desires, and feels comfortable with, not the time to sit at home and bemoan why Mr. Wonderful hasn't blitzed me asking to date me for the entire term.
I'm just sick and tired of the same old people bitching that "dating at Dartmouth sucks because guys only want one-nighters and women want true love." The reality is that dating at Dartmouth, just like life at Dartmouth, is what you make out of it. If you want to try to set the record for getting laid, you can, and if you want a real relationship, you can go for that too. Your success will depend upon your skills, not on your gender.
