As I was sitting outside of the Courtyard Cafe eating dinner with a guy friend, the topic turned to the inevitable subject: women. As much as we love talking about sports or drinking, women is clearly the favorite topic for college-age men (as, I imagine, men are for college-age women). These discussions take many forms -- sexual statistic counting and tall-tale telling, general bitching, strategy sessions. However, seeing that we both currently have girlfriends, we ended up talking about the sticky subject of relationships.
It has always seemed to me that women actually enjoy talking about relationships -- sort of like their version of sports. Whether this is pervasive cultural conditioning or the truth, I have no idea. But for men, relationships are perhaps the most difficult subject imaginable. The main reason for this is that they are a partnership with a species that we have absolutely no clue about. No matter how much you love a woman, or how long you have been with her, she will still do something on a daily basis that will make you shake your head in utter incomprehension. Women claim that men are the same way, but I have my doubts. We are such essentially simple creatures, only in need of our four basic food groups: sex, beer, sports and sex.
To get back to the general point, if there is indeed one, relationships at Dartmouth seem to be a particularly difficult nut to crack. The idea of romance at this college is pretty much laughable. I mean, any place where a trip to Simon Pearce restaurant is considered the pinnacle of romantic behavior has to be considered a slight bit staid. Whither lies love at Dartmouth College?
As any student knows, there are two types of relationships at Dartmouth: the common-law marriage, or the one-night mistake. Now, there are variations on these models, such as the popular one-night-a-week mistake, but they form the basic model. Take a look around at your friends. Odds are that everyone that you know either has a fairly steady relationship, or else has had a series of very brief encounters.
I think that the reason for this all-or-nothing approach to love is an extension of the general explain hour-long fights over pong games? (OK, maybe the 15 beers have something to do with it, but you get my point).
Perhaps this seriousness is the reason that many relationships get nipped in the bud. In their search for perfection, Dartmouth students don't want to get caught up in a nothing relationship. Also, I imagine that Dartmouth women aren't willing to put up with flawed relationships for as long as many of their compatriots. Unlike other schools, there aren't many women here looking for their Bachelor Of Marriage, so therefore having a boyfriend doesn't hold quite the same importance.
Some would blame the shallowness of relationships at Dartmouth on the proliferation of alcohol, which is a stupid explanation. Half the people on this campus would never had been conceived if someone hadn't had a little too much wine with dinner. Alcohol is a constant in any social scene, be it at a fraternity or a bar or a sporting event. Likewise, saying that the Greek system bears some of the blame by segregating the sexes is a bit disingenuous. I hate to break it to you women out there, but those sensitive guys that you know outside of the Greek system have the same crass motivations and conversations as the guys in houses.
This is summer term, a time for relaxation and a laid back approach to life. Maybe the Dartmouth community needs to extend that to love as well. It is more fun to be a part of a relationship, even if it isn't destined to last forever, then to be engaged in multiple one-night stands. A lot more work, yes, and a lot less instant gratification, but something that will stay with you for much longer. Maybe if we at Dartmouth stopped putting so much pressure for perfection, we would find that there actually can be romance at Dartmouth.
