Are you sick of seeing columnists on this page babble on about esoteric topics, pumping up their word count with unnecessary quotes from Greek philosophers? Do you really want to hear some fellow student tell you that House Bill 666 is the work of Satan?
If the answer to these questions is yes and no, then fear not. For while I will use a little philosophy and politics, I intend to cover a subject of intimate concern to Dartmouth students: Everything But Anchovies.
Let's start with some philosophy -- purity of form. EBA's doesn't have it and it really bothers me. What the hell am I talking about? Purity of form in this case is a matter of being what one sets out to be, being it completely and without imperfections: a pure example of the form.
EBA's comes very close to being the pure student food delivery operation. Everything, even the Healthy Choice Chicken Sandwich, is horrible for your health, just like it should be. Students need cigarettes -- they'll deliver. In fact, one can run down the list of ways in which EBA's perfectly satisfies the form -- greasy pizza, late hours, strange local character/owner, and a unique name.
But that unique name is also the downfall of EBA's purity. The problem is obvious. Everything But Anchovies sells anchovies. That's right, they will sell you a pizza with anchovies on it.
Am I the only one who sees the hypocrisy, the impurity, the tragedy? How can they wear those t-shirts with a line through a fish in good conscience? Does Charlie Dowd have no shame?
Perhaps no one cares because we of Dartmouth are so used to compromise. Dartmouth is known for turning out the pragmatic leaders of the business world rather than the idealistic leaders of academia. Compromise and impurity invade every aspect of student life right down to our beds. We go through housing crises and homelessness because co-education was accomplished through a gerryrigged compromise known as the D-Plan.
Students who had a coed circle of friends in high school find themselves in single sex social organizations, compromising their identity because they (incorrectly) feel they have no choice. Conscientious students sleep through class, while English majors go through corporate recruiting.
It's not that compromise and impurity are inherently evil, but sometimes we lose sight of the value of purity and the significance of art.
Isn't there a certain beauty to the artist who starves throughout his life, only to be deemed a genius after death? So much of what is beautiful is that which goes too far, that which is whole, perfect and impractical.
Now for the politics. Let's bring some purity back to the College. As the people who put food on Charlie Dowd's table we have tremendous power. We should demand an end to the hypocrisy. Give us something pure and true to remind us that we value purity and truth. Give us a place called Everything But Anchovies that really doesn't sell anchovies.
We can do this. Perhaps all it will take is a petition. If that doesn't work we always have a powerful trump card -- the boycott. The students of Dartmouth College could cripple EBA's. And what could be more purely ridiculous than a bunch of students rallying around a silly cause. It would be beautiful, a work of art.
I cannot take credit for instigating such a movement. Tom Vale '96 gave me the idea. If you are interested in getting involved, or just want to add your name to the list of students who are tired of the hypocrisy, give Tom a blitz.
