Now that Homecoming is here, we're all making our plans for the weekend and getting ready to live it up. On such a diverse campus, one must expect many different ideas of Homecoming fun, but undoubtedly most everyone has already filled up their Day-By-Days with scribblings under October 14th through 16th.
Being that I have always endeavored to go where no columnist has gone before, on this Homecoming I present to you a one-of-a-kind list. In the past week, I have sacrificed my well-being to obtain the Homecoming weekend plans of certain prominent figures in the Dartmouth community. Wearing dark sunglasses and a trench coat, I journeyed into discreet nooks and crannies of the campus to bring to you this exclusive information. Use it wisely.
The most logical place to start is at the top: in this case our own President James Freedman. President Freedman will fly into Hanover late tonight from a remote area in Kansas to attend the football game vs. Yale tomorrow afternoon. Immediately thereafter, however, he will board his purple 1978 Volkswagen Bug and travel to Laramie, Wyo to rejoin the Grateful Dead.
Our Student Assembly Vice President, Rukmini Sichitiu '95, will spend all of Saturday in the Assembly office writing a proposal to allow her parrot, Skipper, to become a Student Assembly delegate if he attends three meetings and learns to repeat the phrase, "I vote yes! I vote yes!" Then on Saturday night, Ms. Sichitiu will then attend a small gathering in the basement of Casque and Gauntlet and pass out after doing 25 Alabama Slammers.
Dean of First-Year Students Peter Goldsmith will be away from campus this weekend to pose for the new "Where's Waldo?" book, which is due out later this year.
Dean Goldsmith has asked Associate Dean of Freshmen Tony Tillman to house-sit for him, and Tillman secretly plans to throw a huge toga party. Invitees include all administrators, most of the faculty, and the Happy Hop guy.
Dartmouth Dining Services Director Pete Napolitano had planned to attend the football game and subsequent parties, but regrettably has taken ill.
Apparently Mr. Napolitano ate some Food Court chili which had already exceeded its half-life. He will have to remain at the hospital to undergo food poisoning and radiation treatment.
Dean of the College Lee Pelton has a busy weekend planned. He will most definitely attend the football game and plans to tailgate beforehand.
Later on Saturday, Dean Pelton will attend various gatherings, and later that night hopes to grind it out at Chi Gam. Hopefully this time he won't take off his shirt when the DJ plays George Michael's "Freedom."
Campus activist Sean Donahue '96 plans to attend the football game in order to protest the football team's use of green uniforms, arguing that it perpetuates bias against primary colors such as blue and red.
Afterwards, Donahue will attend the aforementioned Casque and Gauntlet party, where he, too will pass out, but not from too many Alabama Slammers. Instead, Donahue will overindulge with a mixed drink consisting of Zima, Miller Genuine Draft, and Purplesaurus Rex Kool Aid.
And finally, yes, I will disclose my own plans. I will not be at the football game, because my task of preserving peace, justice, and the American way will necessitate my presence elsewhere on campus. But rest assured that I will be on Webster Avenue Saturday night, enjoying the Greek party potpourri to its fullest.
Whether you choose to mirror one of the itineraries I have disclosed above or create your own, the main thing is to go out and have a great time. Homecoming happens once a year,so make the best!
