Put away those fans, unplug those air conditioners and jump into a pile of leaves. Fall is here, like it or not. But aside from the beautiful autumn scenery here in northern New England, there is a much greater sign that Fall term has begun. Shmen!
Yes, the first-year students (or "freshmen" for those of you who don't work in the Freshman Office) have arrived and are circling the Hanover plain in groups of at least 20, looking clueless as ever. But here and now, I, a fully knighted Dartmouth senior, will dispense some invaluable advice to guide the Class of '98 down the yellow brick road en route to enlightenment.
First, let's tackle the dining situation. Go to Full Fare as much as you can. You get punches so you might as well use them. Full Fare is less crowded than the dreaded Food Court and it has the same food, though it might be one or two days older. But the all-you-can-eat aspect is nice and they have Captain Crunch. Otherwise, I would make two recommendations about dining: 1) Don't eat anything in nugget form, and 2) Never, never get the "special" at the Hop -- it's really airplane food, without the complimentary peanuts.
Next, I know many of you think that you are pre-med. It makes your parents happy and gives you a false sense of security. Don't be dumb. Drop it now, instead of waiting a year-and-a-half to decide you don't like science. Be a government major like everybody else.
Don't join the Student Assembly, unless you are earnestly concerned about the plight of the gay unborn trees of color. And if you do join the Assembly, vote to impose a salary cap on Dartalk.
Rush the field during the Homecoming game. So what if you get arrested? Mom and Dad are hundreds of miles away, and the greater the number of people doing it, the smaller the chance you'll get arrested.
Don't become so addicted to Blitzmail or Broadcast that you are using your computer as a means to find a date. Try the telephone or a casual visit. Of course, very few people actually date at Dartmouth, but hey, the Class of '98 could start a brave new trend.
If you're going to drink, be responsible about it. Beer is a part of the Dartmouth experience. Especially good beer, like Catamount or Samuel Adams. Or Bass Ale on draft. But getting back to what I was saying, don't go overboard. Safety & Security can spot a drunk freshman a mile away, and a stay in Dick's House is anything but fun.
Most importantly though, enjoy yourself and try to experience all you can. We only get four years in this rare place, so reach into the cookie jar and grab a handful. Take a swim in the Connecticut, learn to ballroom dance, climb Bartlett tower, take a trip to Montreal. Just don't go translating any Catulus. Believe me, you'll thank me later.
