Ever since I realized that this is my last full week at Dartmouth for the next seven months, I've had this weird sort of knotted feeling in my stomach. Sure, I have described the brilliant Dartmouth plan to friends from home who wondered what I was doing taking classes in July. I've sung the praises of off campus programs and leave terms, which might not be possible otherwise. I keep telling myself that this schedule keeps life exciting. Once you're bored here, you're gone.
I think the problem is that I am leaving soon. Suddenly, I'm thinking of all the things I should have done with my summer. It's as if Life's Little Instruction Book (especially made for Dartmouth College sophomore summer) is running through my head and I only got to page three. I haven't yet gone to the rope swing or sunbathed on the BEMA. Oddly, this is the only term that has ever made me feel this way. For two months I've been walking around contemplating the fact that this is the only summer I will ever have here. I think that knowledge has made it special. And a little stressful.
I'll never forget my summer, not simply because of what I did, but because of what I knew it was. It was probably the last summer of my life I'll spend without a real job. Sophomore summer was a first and a last, which made it not only novel, but also sort of risky. We only got to do this once.
In some cases, however, that knowledge served me well. I've used it as an excuse to see far too many movies, take midnight walks, and make frequent trips to Ben and Jerry's. Little diversions like these started to seem like a priority when I considered that the opportunity for them would be short lived.
I signed up to buy my Summer '94 tee shirt a few days ago. I don't want to wear it yet, but would rather pull it out after the season is a blurred and distant memory and I am suffering through a cold winter at home. That is when I'll need to be reminded of these sultry summer days.
I'm not quite ready, however, to completely dismiss this summer as a thing of the past. We have one week left. And it might be almost finals period, but the rope swing still awaits.
