Today's issue of The Dartmouth reports that a clay mugs and toast ceremony will replace the old clay pipe smashing ceremony at Class Day.
I was instantly enraptured by this idea of participating in a toast with a clay mug and then smashing the mug on the stump of the Lone Pine. The only question that I faced, was: "What beverage?"
In my estimation any Class Day beverage should be judged against two criteria. Does it successfully symbolize the four years that make up a Dartmouth undergraduate experience? Also, does the drink serve to unify rather than divide the Senior Class?
At the end of my mental debate there were two finalists: Milwaukee's Best and Full Fare Fruit Punch. Both of these liquid refreshments have several merits yet in the end only one winner remained.
Let us first examine the benefits of Milwaukee's Best. "The Beast" is certainly the lowest common denominator among many Dartmouth students. From Homecoming to Green Key "The Beast" flows freely marking many of the significant moments in a Dartmouth student's career.
By symbolically smashing their last mug o' Beast, students would be saying good-bye to the days of cheap beer and moving into a more mature future. By only partaking in one beer and then breaking the cup students would also symbolize a new moderation.
While Milwaukee's Best certainly has some merits, Full Fare Fruit Punch, my other finalist, also has many points in its favor. What beverage could do a better job of representing the newfound Dartmouth diversity? Not only is it made from several fruit juices, but the fruits for those juices come from all over the world.
Also you never know what combination it is going to come in. Some days the Full Fare Punch is a very thick syrup, heavy on the sweeteners. Other days it is a light thirst quencher. This is exactly like the Dartmouth community; the basic ingredients remain the same but there is a constant struggle to be predominant. On any given day it is hard to say what part of the College will be heard.
Full Fare Fruit Punch also resembles some of the worst parts of Dartmouth. The punch surely does not acquire its bright red glow by natural means. This captures some Dartmouth students' superficiality; the social climbing image consciousness that is inexorably part of the College.
Perhaps the most important argument in favor of Full Fare Fruit Punch is its mixability. Personally the idea of toasting with a non-alcoholic beverage reminds me of New Years Eve with Welch's Sparkling White Grape Juice. Fruit Punch would mix well with several potent potables.
While both Milwaukee's Best and Full Fare Fruit Punch symbolize much of the Dartmouth Experience, Full Fare Fruit Punch should be toasted on Class Day because of its ability to unify the class.
While "The Beast" may be a part of many if not most Dartmouth careers it is not symbolic of every student's life here. However, fruit punch is very inclusive. It is a mixture of many things and even more can be added.
Unfortunately, I have no formal say in the final decision. It is now up to a committee to determine the answer to this great beverage question.
