Following in the footsteps of such journalistic luminaries as Mike Wallace, Barbara Walters and Ed Bradley, The Dartmouth's Mark Sweeney catches up with the big names on campus and asks the questions that others have too much professionalism or integrity to ask. Today, Sweeney visits again with Adam White '05 for his innovative and informative social commentary.
The Dartmouth: When one thinks about a classic motion picture with exceptional character development and insightful dialogue, the movie that comes to the mind of any serious movie fan, is, of course, "Caddyshack." With which character do you most identify?
Adam White: Last summer I would have said Danny Noonan because I was working as a caddy. But since then I've become a millionaire playboy and a scratch golfer, so Ty Webb is now the obvious choice.
The D: What historical figure do you most admire?
AW: I would say Jesus. He seemed to have stuff figured out. He could walk on water, turn one loaf of bread into like a million loaves of bread and then he tricked everyone into thinking he was dead for three days but then he came back to life and was like, "A-ha! I got you good, suckers." I don't know what happened to him after that but I heard that he keeps in touch with Deion Sanders on a regular basis. The other awesome thing about Jesus is that he was Jewish, so 100 percent of him is like 62.5 percent of me.
The D: Here's an opportunity for you to address the housing situation at Dartmouth. After doing some extensive research with ORL, I found that during your freshman year you lived in a three-room double with more couches (two) than roommates (one), as well as easy access to the Connecticut River and the Tuck School dining hall. However, for your sophomore year you were stuck in two rooms with upwards of three roommates and a mysteriously disappearing supply of food. What did you think of your arrangements?
AW: I think the whole situation stinks. I don't know who the policy-makers are at ORL, but they need to reconsider their regulations on the top bunk cycle. As quoted to me by Fred, one of my roommates this past year, their policy is as follows: "whoever gets the top-seeded bunk at the beginning of the year gets to keep it for the rest of the year, even if one of the other roommates gets stuck with the top bunk (and thus, the lowest seed) for two consecutive terms."
Doesn't seem fair to me. It probably worked out for the better though, because had I moved in to the top-seeded bunk, I would probably still be removing Chips Ahoy! crumbs from my pajamas.
The D: Amongst your many talents, you are an acclaimed journalist. Most of your readership probably didn't know that last year you won the little-known Pulitzer Prize for Best Use Of Don Johnson In An Adult Film Screenplay. From what sources do you gain your journalistic inspiration?
AW: Mostly Miami Vice, but occasionally Nash Bridges.
The D: Even after gaining your (minor) celebrity status, I'm sure you still enjoy the days when you can sit alongside your second-hand screen door and enjoy the cool evening breezes of Anytown, USA. How do you balance your celebrity status with your private life?
AW: When I want to escape the paparazzi and get back to reality, I pack up the Lear jet and head to my yacht in St. Tropez, or as I call it, Anytown, Southern France. I take solace in the advice of my boy P. Diddy, who always reminds me that without the cash and hoes and money and bling, I would be boring. It's a harsh reality, but one that I always saw as inevitable because I'm such a good rapper.
The D: The summer term is nearing its inevitable conclusion. What have been your favorite memories of the past term?
AW: I was in Cape Cod visiting a friend and we were leaving a bar and some girl was talking on her cell phone and walking down the sidewalk, and all of a sudden she tripped and fell on her face.
The D: Who is your prediction to win the 2003 World Series?
AW: That depends if a comet hits the Midwest and wipes out every city in the U.S. and Canada (and Puerto Rico if the Expos are on a "homestand") except for Boston, which survives the impact because they have made an invincible force field out of bubble wrap. If all that happens, I say the Red Sox win the World Series. If not, some other team.
The D: You have traveled throughout the civilized world in addition to New Jersey. What have you learned from your various ventures around the globe?
AW: David Hasselhoff has a monopoly on the world's entertainment business. I don't understand it, but the man is an international phenomenon. Also, Europeans smell.
The D: Which bands and musical styles do you most enjoy?
AW: David Hasselhoff's earlier work.
The D: Are you master of your domain?
AW: Not really. I have very little control over my men. They pretty much leave whenever they want, often while I'm sleeping. Sometimes I do want them to leave but I want them to hang out before they go, but they're like, "Nope, I'm out of here right now."
The D: Students are currently debating over potential new mascot names. What would be your pick for Dartmouth's mascot?
AW: Ever since I tried to fight the Moose at homecoming because he wouldn't help me start the wave, I've been very anti-Moose. I also disapprove of racist mascots, so the Dartmouth Indians is a bad choice because apparently Indians are very racist. I didn't know that before, but everyone's been making a big deal about it so it must be true. If anyone can tell me who Indians hate or why they hate them, I'd be interested to know. So I guess I would have to go with the Ragin' Cajuns.
The D: A final query: do you think the Dartmouth community can handle a whole fall term without any "Getting to Know..." or "The Illiterate Donkey" articles?
AW: Yes, they'll be able to survive. But there is a little boy with cancer who really likes my columns. He says they're all that keeps him alive. So I would assume he'll die in the fall when I'm not writing for The D.
