Matt Soriano


Rebooting the Matrix

There is a climactic car chase/fight scene/shootout in The Matrix: Reloaded that was one of the most relevant parts of the Wachowski brothers' film.

All the Free Newspapers

The admissions office is playing something new this year. Their fresh crop of high school seniors are walking around campus with big hopes, wide eyes and white envelopes with 2007 printed on them (the envelopes, that is). And even though our average SAT math score was only 715, the current seniors can subtract and know that they won't be around to lead this class away from the administration's glorious vision of a Dartmouth that resembles Princeton in every possible way. So it behooves us to impart on those who follow us some of our cherished memories of rope swings, in-room food delivery and no smoothie bar in the waning days of our seniority.

Axim for Trouble

Since I just got into grad school, I thought I'd reward myself by getting a Dell Axim handheld PC.

Secrets from DDS

Now that I'm about to graduate, I quake at the thought of having to provide somehow 21 meals a week for myself.

What's in a Name?

We all know the tumult over the administration's attempts to shape a unique Dartmouth identity. In my case, however, I think they've already won.

Peace In Our Time

I have to admire the anti-war crowd. I mean, they've got such media luminaries as Ramsey Clark, Jane Fonda, Alec Baldwin, Dan Rather and Barbara Streisand on their side.

A Worthy Trade

Contrary to the national trend, diversity seems to be the exact opposite of the College's preferences over the last few months.

Dig Your Heels In

When 74-year-old Korean War veteran J.C. Adams saw two armed robbers in his convenience store for the umpteenth time, he grabbed his 12-gauge with one hand and his walker with the other.

Marketing Saddam Hussein

Mr. Hussein! I just found out that you had an email account. Like all other Americans who fulfill our patriotic duty to shape foreign policy in terms of John Wayne movies, I had just assumed that that leather holster you wear holds some sort of large-caliber handgun.

An Appropriate Sendoff

I think that all good Republicans should take a moment from our busy schedules of oppressing minorities and women, fondling our concealed handguns and driving oversized sport utility vehicles over helpless woodland creatures to think of what was lost last Tuesday.

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