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(11/13/14 10:35pm)
The final week of classes brings high drama to the fields of Hanover, as the football team fights to stay alive for the Ivy League title and the men’s soccer team could secure an NCAA Tournament berth with a win. The women’s cross country team is competing for a spot in the national championships, running in the Northeast Regionals.
(11/13/14 1:18am)
The women’s basketball team opens its season this Sunday at Leede Arena against the New Jersey Institute of Technology. To prepare for the season, The Dartmouth has profiled each of the Ivy League’s eight teams for a quick look at the season ahead.
(10/20/14 9:13pm)
The women’s volleyball team split its two games over the weekend, beating Princeton University in a five-setter on Friday before falling to the University of Pennsylvania on Saturday. The Big Green followed up its impressive win over the Tigers with an error-filled game against a Quakers squad playing its best volleyball of the season. After the weekend at home, the Big Green (13-5, 4-3 Ivy) now takes to the road for five straight Ivy League away matches.
(10/02/14 9:57pm)
Week three brings the beginning of the Ivy slate for the Dartmouth football and men’s soccer teams, as several others move further into their Ancient Eight schedule.
(09/22/14 9:15pm)
This weekend’s two-day tournament came down to just one stroke for the men’s golf team, in its second straight tournament win, this one at Cornell University’s Robert Trent Jones Golf Course. Driven by Ian Kelsey ’18 in his first college tournament, the Big Green won the 15-team tournament by just one stroke over the University of Delaware and the University of Pennsylvania.
(09/21/14 8:12pm)
Setting the stage for a 4-0 win at the University of Vermont yesterday, the women’s soccer team won a double overtime thriller against Northeastern University on Friday afternoon at Burnham Field 1-0. Lucielle Kozlov ’16 netted the remarkable game-winner with just 14 ticks remaining in double overtime to extend the Big Green’s home unbeaten streak to 15 games.
(09/15/14 9:20pm)
The men’s soccer team notched its first win of the season on Sunday afternoon, taking down the Hofstra University Pride (2-2-2) on the road 2-1. The game was an important victory for the squad, halting a two-game losing skid that began the season and suggestive of the Big Green’s potential this year in the Ivy League.
(09/09/14 9:59pm)
The greatest trick Hank and Fish ever pulled was convincing the world they no longer existed.
(08/18/14 5:36pm)
RIP RTP. Sophomore summer is over, and, to the delight of our readers, so is our brief stint on the back page of The Dartmouth. What began as a desperate and pitiful attempt by editor-in-chief Lindsay Ellis ’15 to fill the sports section with something “a little more sophomore summer” ended in something not so chill: a weekly opportunity for your boys Hank and Fish to inundate the public with the delusional byproducts of minds warped by insomnia, chewing tobacco and “ship.” Example 1A: the previous sentence. Example 1B: the quote at the end of this column.
(08/11/14 6:39pm)
Fieldstock. Was. Sick. It may have started slow when Moose didn’t even show up to the Phi Delt puppy party, but after spending an hour lost in the sweet, alternative and controversial tunes of campus band Ladies Night (“This isn’t parents weekend anymore”), the party finally began. Campus was absolutely electric due to the long-awaited return of Edward Wagner ’16 and Theta Delta Chi fraternity, Hank and Fish were far from immune to this excitement. We responded the only way we knew how: by going to Molly’s at 5 p.m. and taking a table selfie with our boys in order to celebrate Hank’s chess masters win over Daniel “King of Kings” Reitsch ’16.
(08/07/14 8:14pm)
Six Dartmouth hockey players attended NHL development camps over the month of July as undrafted invitees, looking to hone their skills in the hopes of playing hockey at the highest level.
(08/04/14 11:19pm)
Masters is over. We lost our voices and our innocence somewhere in the crowded basement. Our best is now behind us. We have been blacklisted by EBAs for placing too many prank calls. Despite our ideas for 14X photo album titles that are undoubtedly better than “14Xtravaganza,” we have both been too scared to upload a single picture to Facebook this term. Ever since “the man” shut down Panarchy, our sophomore summers have been ruined. The only thing we have going for us is that Hank is off in the fall and Fish is off in the winter, God’s gentle way of lifting the burden of Riding the Pine from our tired shoulders and our weary brains.
(07/31/14 10:45pm)
Bruce Wood has not missed a Dartmouth football practice in nine years. The founder of the Big Green Alert blog, Wood has covered Dartmouth’s gridiron gang online for nearly the last decade. And as Ivy League media day approaches, Wood remains in the bleachers, preparing his next post.
(07/28/14 9:48pm)
For your boys Hank and Fish, turns out all that glitters is gold. In the past, we certainly claimed to be the only thing that mattered about The Dartmouth’s sports section (R.I.P. Dong Zhao ’13). Now, however, we are literally the entirety of The Dartmouth’s least prestigious page. You can’t escape us.
(07/28/14 9:47pm)
University of California at Berkeley assistant men’s crew coach Wyatt Allen will succeed Topher Bordeau as the next men’s heavyweight coach, Friends of Dartmouth Rowing announced Monday. The softball, women’s crew and men’s lacrosse teams will continue to seek new coaches in a transitional summer for the Big Green.
(07/22/14 12:24am)
The wheels have officially come off. We were horribly wrong about Tiger, who came in 69th place, not first like we had confidently predicted. He ended up with his worst-ever 72-hole finish at a major. In a desperate ploy to keep ourselves from having to write our column, we ate late night at Novack and then walked directly to Collis to eat more late night. All of a sudden it was 1:30 a.m., and we, the lovable losers of The Dartmouth, sat sad, scared and alone, silenced by the gravity of our plight, with no one to lean on besides each other. To each, the other his world entire. It took every ounce of our energy to keep our eyes more than half open. Only one thing on God’s green Earth keeps us going: a burning desire to please our interim sports editor Joe Kind ’16, who blogs under the handle “Foco Joe” at our old stomping grounds, Dartbeat.
(07/14/14 10:20pm)
Murmurs of Riding the Pine now echo through the halls of Baker-Berry Library. “Did you see what Hank and Fish wrote this week? I can’t believe our boys did it again!” Our Riding the Pine groupies may think we have it all figured out. They see the trappings of glory but are sadly blind to the reality of the life of the columnist. Sure, our picture may run on the back page of The Dartmouth once a week, but we still can’t get on table at Heorot supertails. Yeah, we may get eight likes on the Facebook post of our latest column, but neither of us could score an invite to Sigma Delt semi. We’re rolling in Internet dollars, but unfortunately, that’s not an accepted form of payment for a Boloco burrito bowl.
(07/07/14 8:47pm)
No one told us sophomore summer would be this hard. We didn’t know “Exploration of the Solar System” would meet four days a week and force us to be on call for solar observing sessions at every hour of the day and night. We didn’t know that the Hop was going to be closed, preventing us from adhering to our self-imposed diet of breakfast bombs at every meal. We didn’t know that one leap into the brilliant blue water of the copper mines would leave us with “copper brain” for the rest of the term, barely able to distinguish up from down. We didn’t know it could affect our ability to churn out a hilarious and insightful column in mere hours to regain the affections of our ex (sports editor) Jasmine Sachar ’16.
(06/30/14 9:46pm)
Oh, we were comfortable. Perhaps too comfortable. But then editor-in-chief Lindsay Ellis made us an offer we simply couldn’t refuse. And now, everything has changed. Can you blame us for being young and naive? Once we were happy, lying fully prostrate and partially nude while blogging. Hank rested on a mini-futon, Fish on a sheetless bed. But now we find ourselves sitting at “desks” as we write our “column,” disgusted at the dry husks of men that we have become. We used to blog for fun, for relaxation and for the Choates. Now we’re under the bright lights and we’ve realized that we’re all too easily tantalized by the fruits of fame. Now we have to choose: either we dare to be true, fully expecting to be transferred to the Arts & Entertainment section, or we start producing “click bait” to land our dream jobs at Buzzfeed, where we end up like the Winklevoss twins, rich in Bitcoin but poor in spirit.
(06/23/14 8:44pm)
Just as Andy Dufresne in “The Shawshank Redemption” climbed through a river of sewage and came out clean on the other side, so too have we, Hank and Fish, emerged from the dimly lit, figurative basement of The Dartmouth, Dartbeat, to its crown jewel, the sports section’s back page. We, unlike Dufresne, were not justly rewarded for hard work and sacrifice. Rather, we were only promoted into the actual paper due to an acute shortage of sports columnists on campus over sophomore summer and the misplaced generosity of editor-in-chief Lindsay Ellis, who before editing this column had accepted only Fish and not Hank’s friend request on Facebook. In a scenario straight out of sports editor Jasmine Sachar’s nightmares, we’ve come under her command, and the burden now lies upon her to transform us from the fat and smug bloggers we are into columnists.