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It’s Green Key Friday, which means that approximately zero people will be in class. But if you’re for some reason super dedicated to your perfect attendance record, never fear: What many Dartmouth students don’t realize is that empty classrooms present valuable and unique opportunities for personal growth and discovery. Here are some ways to take advantage of your empty 11/12/2 this Green Key Friday.
Ah, Green Key. The one week a year every Dartmouth student — wait, did you just say WEEK? That is an example of one of the many questions freshman will be asking well … now. I for one thought this was just a two-day endeavor, but like most events on campus, why just stick to simplicity when you can pregame the pregame to the pregame three days before the pregame’s pregame? I have compiled a full-on itinerary for Green Key based on upperclassmen recommendations and realistic first-year expectations, along with a few tips to make sure you survive (key word here is survive, not thrive) the biggest event of the year. If you have no idea what to do with yourself between now and Sage the Gemini’s Grammy award-winning performance, fear not, just pull up your Google calendar and get ready to rage.
There are a lot of things to love about Dartmouth: Winter Carnival, chicken bobs from the HOP, and FFB, to name a few, but not much can compare to everyone’s favorite GPA-saver. That’s right, it’s your favorite day of the term — the deadline to NRO a class! What could be more exciting than the opportunity to avoid all consequences for your mistakes? In the spirit of today, I figured I’d share some tips on how to apply NROs to areas outside of your transcript … because we all know that a “C” isn’t the only thing you’d like to pretend never happened.
Can I just replace this week’s column with former Rep. Todd Akin’s speech following his 2012 loss for some position I don’t remember? So much weirder and more entertaining than I’ll ever be.
Late Wednesday night, I received a push notification on my phone from my New York Times app that the San Francisco Giants had won the World Series in Game 7. My first thought was — “wait, the World Series started already?”
Ebola is permeating American society in every way, except in the way that is literal. Here’s hoping I didn’t just jinx myself and the American public. I’m pretty unknowledgeable about Ebola in part due to the historical truth that hard, non-quasi/pseudo-science has never been my strong suit. Despite the uncontrollable media circus surrounding Ebola, I still don’t really understand anything about the disease’s epidemiology.
Today’s news coming to you straight outta Pyongyang ... or not.
If you’ve been paying attention to the news, then you’ve undoubtedly read, seen and/or heard about Robin Thicke’s recent ordeals and legal drama. I’m only kidding — you have to look really hard on a slow news day for this riveting drama.
As graduation looms closer, I need as much guidance as possible. Forget academic advisors and CDP — I’ve recently discovered that the sage wisdom provided through astrology is the way to go. Here’s what the New York Post’s “Postrology” section had to say to me and all the other Cancers out there: “The choices you make over the next few days will have a major impact on your social or professional reputation, so make them wisely. Above all don’t let other people rush you into cutting corners or cutting back on essentials. Do it right.”
Why am I writing this column? I have no clue. It’s my senior year, and I feel like I’m still a freshman. Correction: my knowledge of many Dartmouth traditions — i.e. the lyrics to our alma mater — is minimal despite my best efforts to inundate myself in our “campus culture” (i.e. Bean boots). Until I saw the giant sign, I thought the Triangle House was KD’s new physical plant.