How to NRO Things in Real Life
There are a lot of things to love about Dartmouth: Winter Carnival, chicken bobs from the HOP, and FFB, to name a few, but not much can compare to everyone’s favorite GPA-saver. That’s right, it’s your favorite day of the term — the deadline to NRO a class! What could be more exciting than the opportunity to avoid all consequences for your mistakes? In the spirit of today, I figured I’d share some tips on how to apply NROs to areas outside of your transcript … because we all know that a “C” isn’t the only thing you’d like to pretend never happened.
The Sh’mob You Hung Out With During O-Week
A couple of your trippees, some floormates, your high school friends and some random people you met when you all ditched the mandatory assembly about how great the humanities are: what a great way to show other freshmen that you’re having a more social time than they are! And to spend time with people you literally have nothing in common with!
Real-life NRO: Slowly drift, then avoid eye-contact when you end up in a class with one of them during the spring term. Maybe even embellish the situation with the suggestion of lunch plans that you know will never happen.
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Your Ex
At first it was amazing — your first college relationship!! But then you broke up and realized you’d spent every day with someone who never learned how to do their own laundry. And even though you’d told your Dartmouth interviewer you were excited for a “close-knit community”, you’re suddenly craving a campus that’s a just little bit larger.
Real-life NRO: Avoid the 3 F’s: their frat, their friends and … doing something you shouldn’t be doing with them anymore.
The First Few Games of Pong You Ever Played
Aw, remember when you were a freshman and it took a whole year for guys to finally tell you you’re supposed to hit the ball UP?
Real-life NRO: If you’re a ’20, just try to make it to half-cup half-cup so you can take your shirt off — no one will remember whether you’re good or bad at pong. Otherwise, I hope you’ve practiced enough to undo your first few games … the shirt thing doesn’t work once you’ve started your descent down the X.
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Your Past Hookup
It could be the douchebag who left you hanging at Psi U and then made his way through your sorority — or the overemotional boy who went and caught feelings. In any case, the ghosts of hookups past shouldn’t be taking up any space in your head.
Real-life NRO: Delete their number so you’re not tempted to reach out … and if they text you, you get to hit them with the “New phone, who dis?” (Even though you 100 percent know whose number it is.)
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That Introduction You Posted in Your Class Facebook Group
I know — it seemed like such a cute idea to tell all your future classmates that you’re addicted to naps. But it’s not so fun when halfway through your sophomore year, all your friends are liking and commenting on your exclamation-point-filled post from way-back-when.
Real-life NRO: Go delete that heinousness before anyone uncovers it.
Drunk Texting Your Trip / Recitation Leader
Remember that cute trip leader on your section? Or was it your TA for CS that you didn’t think you had a crush on? Maybe they hit you with the cold hard read receipt or responded a little too eagerly and turned out to be not-so-cute after all – and all in response to a text you don’t remember sending.
Real-life NRO: First situation: Keep your eyes on the board or glued to the sidewalk. Set your mind on Breadth-first search and try and erase your oh-so-fond memories of doing the Salty Dog Rag on Robo Lawn together. Second situation: sorry, you can’t NRO this one! Suck it up and follow through; don’t forget who grades your PSets and exams and play it cool at your trip reunions!
Russell Sage Basement Dance Parties
Maybe you were part of the obnoxiously loud group dancing in the middle of the room, or you were making small-talk against the wall while awkwardly swaying back and forth. In both cases, you should be ashamed of yourself, and the way you all freaked out at the mention of SNS coming through.
Real-life NRO: Avoid the Russell Sage basement. It could trigger flashbacks.
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Last Friday Night
It may have included peeing on someone’s floor, getting golden-treed in pong or flitzing someone ridiculously out of your league … though you really can’t be sure of any of that. It definitely started out at TDX though … you think.
Real-life NRO: Don’t let your well-meaning friends recount anything to you and avoid watching any Snapchat stories of your adventures. Or, make sure you’ve surrounded yourself with friends even more extra than yourself.
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