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Admittedly, I have yet to experience the disaster that will almost certainly be First-Year Family Weekend, but I’m excited by the fact that I won’t have to pay for nice meals, and I’m finding comfort in the odds that my parents probably won’t be the most embarrassing ones on campus. In speculating what types of parents mine are up against, here are a few that I know I’ll definitely see around:
Shall I compare thy Dartmouth to a summer’s day?
think I speak for everyone when I say, there’s at least one thing we all should
have given up for Lent. Winter term is always a rough one, and spring term can
bring about a marathon of questionable choices so we all give into our
weaknesses at some point or another. However, now that Lent is over, spring is
in full swing and midterms are upon us, you realize there’s always one luxury
you could have gone without. Here are a few things that you should have given
up for Lent based on your zodiac sign:
For a freshman entering college for the first time, the adjustment from high school can often feel overwhelming. There are so many new experiences that it can be difficult to balance classes, social life and extracurricular activities. Some might argue that figuring out your future should be your priority at Dartmouth, but I would say that an equally (if not more) important task is keeping up with the lingo. No one liked having to ask their cool trip leader what getting “golden tree’d” is, and so to help our incoming ’21s maintain the illusion of not being the worst class ever, here is a quick guide to the Dartmouth slang they might encounter at Dimensions and beyond.
Being extra is a way of life. It’s your own special way of living life to the fullest, the brightest, the most present way you can. Don’t ever let the haters get you down — you can never ever be too extra, and anyone who says you’re too much just isn’t enough. Always remember: If you’re not doing the most, you’re doing the least.
There are two types of people in this world: those who are facetimey, and everyone else. Even when it seems like the entire campus and their prospies are in the KAF line post-10As or every machine in the gym is occupied, there are some elusive folks you just never see around. And, of course, your crush happens to be one of them. Perhaps the mystery adds to the allure, perhaps you just don’t know enough about them yet to know their daily habits and frequent locales, but you saw them in the Collis pasta line that one time and you’ve been infatuated ever since. It’s difficult to play hard-to-get when they’re hard-to-find, but with these tried-and-true methods, you won’t have to Foco squat in desperation to finally have that long-awaited interaction.
’19: “JINX! You owe me a KAF!”
Scientifically proven to be 100% accurate, and 100% delicious. Kind of.
Everyone has their preferred study spots in the library, some more productive than others. However, Dartmouth students are often quick to label First Floor Berry as the most facetimey (and least productive) place in the library. However, this is not necessarily true! FFB is actually a very diverse ecosystem filled with a variation of facetimey-ness and productivity, ranging from the physics majors who scribble indiscernible thoughts on the walls of the group study rooms to the kids who “study” right outside of KAF, waving to every single person who passes by. For your convenience, we have taken the responsibility upon ourselves to educate the masses by mapping the real dynamics of FFB and beyond in “Dartbeat’s Declassified School Survival Guide.”