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Spring Housing: Anyone looking to trade a two-room double for a no one is reading your post in this Facebook group?
Visiting student: "I think my parents are still mad at me for sleeping with my stepbrother."
To Our Readers:
Thirteen years ago this week, Kevin Pedersen’s ’05 characters discussed spring break in his comic “Roomies.” We’re not quite sure we get the joke, but it sure is topical:
Well, it’s that time of year again — 15W finals are upon us. Here @Dartbeat, we’re well aware that at this time of year we’ve traditionally provided campus with a cut-and-paste list of our favorite study spots, highlighting one or two spots that are mildly out of the ordinary.
Feb. 28, 1:15 a.m., Collis Center: Safety and Security officers and Dartmouth EMS responded to a report of an intoxicated student at Collis. The individual was located in a second-floor restroom, evaluated and transported to Dick’s House.
Here @Dartbeat, we know just how hard it can be to get outside during the winter months —particularly with temperatures plunging as low as they have in recent weeks. Of course, for avid fans of “House of Cards” —and for those content to run through the selection on Netflix, Hulu+ and everywhere else you can find films online nowadays — staying inside may seem like a blessing in disguise. But for those who have lost their friend’s mom’s cousin’s Netflix password, or still haven’t figured out all the alternate meanings of the word “torrent,” the snow can feel confining. Luckily, there is hope. Unbeknownst to many, Dartmouth’s own Jones Media Center boasts a well-stocked collection of DVDs —available to any student with borrowing privileges.
This was a crazy weekend for me. I had my 22nd half-birthday, for starters. Not even an emoji on my Windows Phone can adequately describe how I felt about this. Making the weekend even crazier, I stayed up late on all three nights this weekend due to insomnia (correction: it’s probably a stretch to blame my lack of sleep Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights on a fit of sleeplessness. The real problem was my inability to fall asleep at a reasonable hour. Honestly this whole weekend I felt like I as living in a different time zone. Awful). In the midst of all this craziness, though, I came across something that actually made my life moreorganized. Browsing Instagram, I discovered a delicious looking dessert on “The Infatuation” restaurant review account. As soon as I saw it, I knew I had to make it. For once, I had a real plan!
just in time for formal season, the "Love & Fidelity Network" has got you covered!
As many of us know, Random House announced last week that a lost manuscript by Dr. Seuss —also known as Theodor Geisel ’25, arguably Dartmouth’s most famous alumnus — will be published in July. The manuscript, titled “What Pet Should I Get?” is a companion piece of sortsto “One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish,” which features the same brother and sister. Obviously, we here @Dartbeat were excited to learn that our favorite alum (sorry, Mindy!) would be back in bookstores soon. In celebrating our enthusiasm, though, we got a little carried away, imagining possible titles and plotlines that might be waiting out there in other unfound manuscripts. Now that we’ve written them, let us know if you’d read any of the following?
California native Matt Adams smokes a lot of marijuana. This is something he wants you to know, or at least it’s something you wouldn’t be surprised to learn after a simple perusal of the track list for his newest album “Geodesic Dome Piece” (2015). With titles as subtle as “Way Too Stoned,” “Magic Leaves” and “4:20,” the album seems like it’s auditioning to be the soundtrack to “Pineapple Express" (2008).
Each week, Dartbeat asks a group of musically inclined students to recommendtheir favorite songs of the week.We then share a few of those tracks. Enjoy! Carnage - I Like Tuh feat. ILOVEMAKONNEN Ben Pundyk:Although Zedd’s new track with Selena Gomez is destined for dance floor greatness, it’s surprisingly not my pick for the best release this week. Instead, that coveted honor goes to "I Like Tuh,” the latest track from DJ/Producer Carnage, which features ILOVEMAKONNEN of "Tuesday" fame. I won't give any spoilers, so give the song a listen to find out what infinitive verbs and direct objects correspond to "I like tuh..." I won’t be surprised if it turns into your song of the week too. MisterWives - Hurricane Jill Dayneka:I know, another classic indie ballad —I’m clearly in a rut, but it’s a great rut to be in! Fresh off their debut album, “Our Own House” (2015), MisterWives’ new track “Hurricane” highlights the unique vocals of lead singer Mandy Lee and builds with an infectious hook. If you liked the group’s hit single “Reflections,” then “Hurricane” is the logical next step for you in your gradual obsession with their sound. Plus, if they ever make it back to Dartmouth, now you’ll have some lyrics to sing along to.
"...in recent seasons the throwing of tennis balls has spread to the second, third and fourth goals."
Course Changes: Wait, we were supposed to sign up for courses?
'16: "I want a job that gives me the kind of adrenaline rush rich people get when they steal from Macy's"
Here @Dartbeat, we know that our Ivy League peers like to tease Dartmouth for its northerly location and comparative isolation. That’s fair game — Cornell students need something to laugh about, after all —but it’s important that we are all aware of (and know how to respond to) the jokes that are out there. So, after scouring the darkest corners of the internet, we’ve compiled this list. Read it, and then go forth and research humor related to the rest of the Ivy League so that you can mock them more viciously than they have ever mocked us:
Five years ago this week, Emma Alexander ’10 suggested Dartmouth-themed iPhone apps in her cartoon column, “Phreddie.” Her ideas were as follows:
I have always believed that I have some sort of supernatural power. Growing up, I wore the same witch Halloween costume for seven years in a row. When my mom asked me why I refused to buy another costume I told her it was because my inner instincts were informing me that I had a witch godmother, and if I just stuck with it I would discover a new supernatural identity. This mostly had to do with the fact that I wanted a pet cat, and unfortunately my magical powers never came to fruition — until now, that is. Thanks to @Dartbeat, I’ve come to realize that I am, in fact, superhuman. What’s more, I can raise things from the dead. This is exactly what I’ve done this week, taking to the twittersphere to find the funniest “defunct” Dartmouth-related twitter accounts still online and bringing their best work back to life. Yes, these twitters haven’t been active for months, even years. At their height, though, they represented biting social commentary about the Dartmouth community that must be recognized. Alternatively, they were stupid enough to be funny. You be the judge:
Entering FoCo this weekend, I once again had no idea what I was going to make for this week’s column. I knew that I wanted to find something adventurous, even bold, but I couldn’t think of anything. I workshopped the idea of making an ice-cream sandwich without using FoCo cookies —certainly an earnest concept, if an impractical one —but I decided I owed it to my readers to stay away from the cookies. That’s when one of my Dartmouth swimming & diving teammates, with whom I was eating dinner, started talking about bananas.