The Ultimate Guide to Formal Dates
SOS please forward all potential formal dates to email@example.com
It is formal season. Unfortunately this does not mean we get to dress up in camouflage, drink lots of beer and shoot at anything that says the word “formal.” Although, I think using a water gun to spray anyone who asks if I have found a date would make me feel significantly better.
In case you haven’t noticed, I still haven’t gotten over the anxiety of prom asks. How in to prom asks were people in my hometown, you may ask? A plane spelling out “prom?” in the sky, a serenade in front of the entire school and hiring five guys to rip off their shirts and spell “P-R-O-M-?” on their chests are just a few examples. My date asked me like so:
This is all a disclaimer to say that I am nowhere near qualified to be giving advice about how to get a formal date, yet as always I will proceed.
Where to look for a date
- Your significant other: If you have a significant other and are reading this article you are the worst kind of person. Stop rubbing your love in my face and just ask them.
- Your crush: Do it.
- That hottie in your class: I bet you have chemistry together ;)
- Your friend’s friend.
- Blitz out to every blitz list you’re on: It’s not desperation if you do it confidently!
- FoCo challenge: get dressed up on the day of formal, head to FoCo, stand on a chair, loudly announce you need a date and watch what happens.
- Go out every night this week: play a ton of pong and flirt baby, flirt.
- Go rogue: infiltrate Hanover High.
- Blitz roulette: open up blitz, scroll through every address, stop randomly, send that flitz.
- Collis Steve: you all know you want to.
- Go stag: be a bad ass and do it.
- Your friend: we all know how this is going to end up, and honestly this it will be AWESOME because you can eat everything, get super drunk and they will never judge you.
How to ask your date:
- Flitz: this is a classic because sending a flitz does not require ever having had a conversation with the person. God bless the DND. (bonus points for the subject line: This is a Flitz)
- A PowerPoint: I didn’t put PowerPoint under “skills” in my resume for nothing. Make your point as to why they should go to formal with you in a clear, succinct way! Simply attach it to a flitz, or go the extra mile and rent out a study room
- A Haiku: My schedule is packed. No time to write proper flitz. Let’s go to formal.
- A summons: My senior year of high school, my friend dressed as a queen complete with squires and had me summon her date to our winter dance. It was 100 percent effective because he had no free will to say no. High school was a weird time.
- Write “Formal?” on a pong ball: then play with your potential formal date. So fun and flirty! (Side note: this requires you to be good enough at pong that the ball ends up in your date’s hands and not their partners’).
- Write it on food: use a meal swipe and give them an offer they can’t refuse — FoCo cookies
- Text them: this means that you have their number, which is always a good start. Just make sure to do it when you are sober and not at 1:43 a.m. the day of formal. Case in point, this very real formal ask:
Now hurry off and ask your date quickly, before someone else grabs them!