Things We Could Replace KAF With
As December draws closer (what) and with it comes the date when KAF may forever disappear from our lives — and by disappear I mean that you’d have to drive a whole six minutes to the factory in Norwich — I’ve started brainstorming a list of things that could replace KAF, and maybe, dare I say it, be even better?
1. A giant foam ball pit
Courtesy of CBS, via whatculture.com
Just imagine — your own little Chuck E Cheese-style corner of the universe, without the constant concern that maybe some little kid’s poo is just beyond your reach.
2. Puppy store
For when the new frat puppies enter the awkward adolescent stage.
3. Lair for TMNT
These Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Courtesy of Nickelodeon, via thesixersense.com
Not these ones. Look at this guy. He looks like he just knocked on your door with a pair of panties you left in the dryer expecting you to thank him.
Courtesy of Nickelodeon, via moviepilot.com
4. Bank of Hot Pocket vending machines
Since Novack is so concerned about KAF stealing its turf…
5. Zorb arena
If you don’t know what a Zorb is, watch this video of a newscaster getting squashed by one.
6. Nap room – like Google
This would put an end to all of the overworked freshmen passed out in Novack.
7. Cone of silence for screaming about midterms
Just let it out, man.
8. Gladiatorial combat center
Courtesy of Lionsgate, via teampeeta.org
Don’t pretend, I know that this is what you Sociology majors do for your theses.
9. 24-hour Taco Bell
Courtesy of Taco Bell, via findthebest.com
So that this can replace late night EBAs, and food poisoning can replace the self-loathing you feel the next morning.
10. New GDX pit
Courtesy of 20th Century Fox, via thegeektwins.com
Pictured: You entering the current GDX pit.