Freak of the Week: Hetero Norma-T.V.

Dear Freak of the Week,

I recently started watching a show about queer love and have really enjoyed it. I want to watch it with my boyfriend, but he keeps saying he doesn't wanna watch it and “feels weird about it.” What should I do? Can I force him to watch it?

Sincerely,

Hetero Norma-T.V.

Dear Hetero Norma-T.V.,

My advice: Tell him you’re about to watch something else, maybe a basketball game or something. Ask him to get you a snack. When he comes back, put on the show, and give him the ultimatum that you will break up with him if he doesn’t watch this one episode with you.

There is a clear reason that he doesn’t want to watch the show with you. There are a few ways you could approach this. One, instead of continuing to ask him to watch the show, you can ask him directly why he doesn’t want to watch the show. Two, you can simply approach the topic at hand. Ask, “are you homophobic?” Well, maybe not that. Ask what he thinks about Troye Sivan.

He feels weird about it because the show involves queer characters, but what about it makes him “feel weird?” Is it the topic itself, is it something about his upbringing? This conversation could be a great moment to get to know new things about your boyfriend. Maybe his hometown wasn’t supportive, or his parents didn’t raise him to be. Maybe he is even questioning his sexuality himself, and doesn’t feel ready to talk about it yet.

You don’t need to solve prejudice in this conversation, but it helps to get to the root cause of why he won’t watch the show with you. The goal isn’t to get him to watch, rather to get him to open up a bit. At the end, he may say that he realizes it’s actually not a big deal and wants to try it. If he loves you, he wants to make you happy. If watching the show makes you happy, then why wouldn’t he? 

- Leila

Dear Hetero Norma-T.V., 

This is the column where I formally thank my older sister for exposing me to all sorts of shows and movies I never would’ve otherwise watched. Despite my resistance, her seniority often meant that in adolescence I had the choice of watching either no T.V., or shows like “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” “Vampire Diaries” and “Queer Eye.” While I usually approached many of her titles of choice with a “this is for girls” or “this is weird” mentality, I always came out of it enjoying myself.

Now that we’re older, it might be harder for people who never had this nudge to realize that their resistance to a particular show is actually quite dumb. I have seen this resistance become an epidemic among some men on this campus with “Heated Rivalry.” A bunch of men I know refuse to watch it, or simply label it as “weird.” I don’t think being homophobic is on their mind at all. It’s just an internalized part of being a straight guy.

I don’t think you can really force him to watch anything. It never ends well. He might go into it so stubborn and determined not to like it that he won’t give it a chance. Or he might just zone out. 

My recommendation here would be to really dig in. Ask him more questions. Why does he feel weird about it? Don’t be accusatory. Just try to get to the root of the issue and rebut any obviously dumb reason as to why he’d be “uncomfortable” watching a show. I might even trivialize it. It’s just a show. It’s kind of strange that something as small as a show might make him uncomfortable. You might tell him to grow a pair and watch it. 

At the end of the day, I think this is only really a big deal if it’s symptomatic of larger problems in your relationship. Does your boyfriend frequently neglect to engage your interests? Is he consistently close minded on certain things that you wish he would give a chance? If this is just a one off thing, the easiest approach might just be finding a compromise.

- Eli