Dear Freak of the Week,
I’m in a bit of a pickle right now. I’ve been seeing this guy all term, but we don’t go on dates, and he only comes over to sleep over and nap in my room and such. I don’t see us ever dating, and we talked about not being in a place to date. I'm getting kind of tired of this. There’s a new person that I really like and want to go for, but I don't know how to end things with this guy since I'm not super confrontational and don’t like straight-up cutting people off. Help a gal out.
Sincerely,
Ho In Demand
Ah, the summer fling has begun to sour. We’ve all been there — that awkward limbo near the end of the term when people start reassessing. Seeing what my friends are going through, it seems like an especially popular time for transitions. The halfway point through my Dartmouth career has certainly been sobering for me — it feels like I’ve been living on borrowed time at Dartmouth, and I’ve suddenly gotten substantially older. Likewise, people are beginning to think about the second half of college, and whether they want to stay with their partner or try something new.
This sounds like a much less significant change, though. From the way you describe it, this relationship has been more about fun and companionship than a deep emotional connection. A part of me wants to recommend that you keep this guy around during the period of transition so you have something you can enjoy while you figure out your new situation. However, it seems clear you’re pretty tired of it, so it might be time to move on.
It’s admirable that you don’t want to cut him off, and you are stronger than many of us who would just ghost this person. Being on the receiving end of a “I don’t want to see you anymore” sucks, but it’s worse if you just ghost — especially if they try the dreaded double, triple, maybe even quadruple text. My advice is that you’re direct and clear. Don’t leave any wiggle room for misinterpretation, because if this person really likes you, they’re going to misinterpret. After a term together, even casually, an in-person conversation is the respectful route.
Don’t text him a “we need to talk” or “can we talk later” text and stop responding. That’s going to ruin this person’s day. Respond quickly and courteously, and once you’ve found a time — preferably meeting in a neutral zone — be quick and direct with him. “Hey, this has been a lot of fun, but I think the fact this isn’t going anywhere serious means it’s time for me to try something new. I hope you understand and this summer has been super fun.” You could also use the end of summer coming up as an excuse to ease the blow.
Being broken up with always sucks, but if you handle it this way, you’ll be fair and clear. Oh, and yay about the new person! That’s exciting.
- Eli
Dear Ho In Demand,
It’s not called a “summer fling” for nothing. The term itself inherently implies that the romance is temporary, restricted to a three-month honeymoon. Sometimes that’s a devastating realization. The summer is ending! And so is this love! But the inverse is also true. The end of summer serves as the perfect time to end a relationship that just isn’t working out. Relationships that can’t survive past August aren’t built to make it to seasonal depression in February.
This is great news for you. The end of a season, especially summer, is a natural marker for endings. You don’t need to justify outgrowing something that was never built to last. And you’re already off to a great start with a forward-looking mindset. You’re halfway there. You know you don’t want to ghost him, but you also don’t want to drag this on.
Right now, you have fallen into a cycle of complacency. It’s become a given that this guy will sleep over. The fact that neither of you is emotionally attached, despite all of the time you’ve spent together means that this relationship is not fulfilling for either of you. And I’m glad that you’ve recognized that. While I’m tempted to say that a conversation with this guy is not urgent, for both of your sakes, the bitter pill must soon be swallowed.
This has the potential to be a cordial, no-frills, no-drama discussion. Next time you’re with him in person, just say, “Hey, I’ve really liked hanging out with you, but with the summer ending, I want to try new things. Let’s keep in touch!” A little white lie never hurts.
That’s it! No big speech necessary.
It’s great that you’re excited about someone new! If you need help writing the flitz, let me know. I’m pretty good at it. ;)
- Leila
Freak of the Week is a weekly relationship advice column co-written by Leila Brady ’27 and Eli Moyse ’27. If you’d like to submit a question, email it to dartmouthfreakoftheweek@gmail.com.
Eli Moyse ’27 is an opinion editor and columnist for The Dartmouth. He studies government and creative writing. He publishes various personal work under a pen name on Substack (https://substack.com/@wesmercer), and you can find his other work in various publications.
