Dear FOTW,
I am dating this person and things have been going very well so far. I think that we really click and the vibes seem good. The only thing is that we are from very different financial backgrounds: I am very wealthy, and they come from a modest background. This can sometimes be hard to navigate and I don’t know what to do about situations like paying for dates, for instance. I just don’t want to be rude or step on their toes.
Sincerely,
Daddy Warbucks
Leila can’t write this week, so you’re stuck with just me. Money, money, money — no one ever wants to talk about money. This can especially be a problem at a place like Dartmouth, where people come from a variety of economic backgrounds. I want to start out by saying that your awareness and concern about this is good, and it seems like your intentions are in the right place. It’s awesome that your relationship is going well so far. Congratulations and good job! Let’s make sure that continues.
As someone who is not particularly wealthy, it sometimes can feel like Dartmouth is full of rich students. The stats suggest that this isn’t entirely wrong — according to a New York Times 2015 estimate, 23 percent of Dartmouth students come from households in the top 1%, while only 3% of students come from households in the bottom 20% of earners. If you’re not wealthy, this can sometimes feel frustrating and alienating, as though certain students exist in a completely different world from yours. If your partner has chosen to date you, however, you can likely assume that they enjoy your company despite any imbalance in your financial situations.
It can be hard to talk about money. A lot of societal norms seem to tell us that we literally never should. However, I think that if this is causing a lot of concern for you, a conversation might help ease your mind. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy, and it should probably be pretty vague: something like “Hey I just wanted to let you know that I can help pay for dates or other stuff that we do, and it’s really not a big deal.” It’s a nice gesture, and one they might really appreciate.
Alternatively, this conversation could be unnecessary. If they haven’t said anything, you might already be doing a great job of handling it, so continuing without a word could be the best course of action. It’s really a matter of gauging both the type of person you are and the type of person your partner is. Are you accustomed to difficult conversations, or do you like to go with the flow? How about your partner?
Finally, your partner might open up more about this aspect of their background as you get to know them more. Sharing information about socioeconomic status is often a very vulnerable thing, so they may simply be waiting to tell you more about their situation until they feel more comfortable. In general, I wouldn’t pry, and I would at most offer a kind gesture or comment that suggests you’re willing to help out if they need it. I hope that things continue to blossom, and that your bond only strengthens.
- Eli
Eli Moyse ’27 is an opinion editor and columnist for The Dartmouth. He studies government and creative writing. He publishes various personal work under a pen name on Substack (https://substack.com/@wesmercer), and you can find his other work in various publications.
