The mile loop around Occom Pond is delightful when you want a quick break from the bustling metropolis that is Dartmouth College. What could be more soothing than pine trees, fresh air, picturesque New England homes and murky water? A stroll around Occom may seem like the perfect way to get some alone time, but you're guaranteed to run into all sorts of people. I myself have encountered quite the motley crew during my various excursions to this scenic spot.
1. The best friends
Friends who walk together, stay together. These two have so much to catch up on — they haven’t seen each other in, like, 12 hours. God forbid they discuss their “crazy Friday night” on first-floor Berry. Their biweekly Occom walks allow them to discuss important matters away from the crowds. From their most recent stir-fry order to an in-depth analysis of the season finale of “Scandal,” these two will fill your eavesdropping ears with incessant chatter for an entire mile.
2. The dog walkers
Cleverly taking cues from every romantic comedy ever created, these sly dog walkers and their canine friends could just be trying to get their daily dose of exercise and fresh air. But what is more likely is that they are looking to flirt. Everyone knows that the best way to get a date is to have a cute dog and be seen with it. Dogs are a great conversation piece. Soon, these Occom dog walkers are trading numbers and making plans for next Saturday.
3. The slowjoggers
You can't help but speculate that their New Year’s resolution was to get into shape, which explains their one-lap “run” around Occom every Monday. From a distance, you overhear a Flo Rida remix blasting out of their headphones and know they're approaching. Sounds like the “Hip Hop Work Out” Pandora station. Good choice. After they pass you, they begin the treacherous ascent up the hill adjacent to the golf course, and you remember why you don't jog. It’s unclear if the joggers’ sluggish pace can be classified as exercise, but they're sweating and look intense.
4. The couple
[Addendum: According to the Dartmouth College Student Handbook you do not qualify as a real Dartmouth couple unless you've taken a few emotional strolls around Occom.] The loop is the ideal length for a Dartmouth couple to demonstrate steadfast commitment and love for one another. While strolling around the pond they harmonize to John Legend’s “All of Me” and alternate between Shakespeare and William James poems. They occasionally stop for a tender embrace, muffled cutesy talk and expressions of their appreciation for the New Hampshire landscape. One can't help but wonder if their hands are clamming up.
5. The couple that is breaking up
They are madly in love at McLaughlin, “it’s complicated” once they pass the golf course and by Dick’s House they are no longer on speaking terms. The tension is palpable to all fellow Occom walkers. One should expect to observe exaggerated hand movements and hear impassioned statements such as, “You don't respect my intellectual goals” or “You know I'm on a diet, but you keep ordering EBAs to my room!”
6. Your chem TA and anunidentifiable person
This is a revelatory moment for you since you were not aware that your chemistry TA existed outside of lab. Clad in wooden clogs and gaucho pants, he or she looks at peace in the outdoors. In the heat of the moment, you cannot recollect his or her name, proceed to avoid eye contact and pretend to have a coughing fit as you pass by.
7. The oldcouple
They are very cute and very old. You hope to amble around Occom Pond when you are old. Upon seeing them, you begin to picture yourself visiting for grandparents’ weekend in 2058 and walking the old loop with your new hips.
8. The freshman floormates who just discovered Occom
“How have we never been here before?” “I feel so outdoorsy.” “Pose with that tree, it’ll make a gorgeous profile pic.” “YOLO.” “Let’s Snapchat a photo of us and the pond to our UGA.”
9. The varsity team
A pack of scantily clad people sprints past you. You become dismayed by the fact that people running at a six-minute mile pace are capable of fully coherent conversations while you are walking at a snail’s pace and can barely finish your sentences without wheezing. This horde of sprinters discusses how much they ran that week, a number equivalent to how many french fries you consumed at FoCo that day (a lot).
10. The guy and girl youdidn'tknow knew each other
How do they know each other? Their relationship must be platonic, right? But then why are they taking this emotional walk around a pond? Do they have a shared love of the outdoors? Are they planning a surprise birthday for their mutual best friend? Are they secretly in love?
11. The two people in business attire
Always a perplexing sight. Perhaps they are professors? Or maybe they drove up from Rhode Island for the day for a conference and wanted to explore the beauty that New Hampshire has to offer? You sense they are perspiring under their wool suits.
12. Theemotional walker
This person needed to escape the pressures of modern society, but lacked the energy to summit Mount Moosilauke. Instead, after completing 2A readings and consuming a smoothie with kale, this person walked at a brisk pace from Collis to Occom Pond, retreating to the “wilderness” to contemplate the future. I should mention that this person is shoeless and humming. Despite your knowledge of the slight incline on the northern side of the pond, you presume the sweat rolling down the emotional walker’s face was induced by stress.
