With parents weekend upon us, I realized that I've only talked to my parents once since I got back to campus this summer. Our phone conversation lasted 16 minutes as I stood outside of Molly's on the Fourth of July. Five of those minutes were spent listening to my mother search for my dad at a barbeque party so that she could give him the phone.
While I rarely call my parents, there are some students who call home on days more often than Federal holidays.
"We talk most days, but not necessarily every day," Amber Jenkins '15 said. "We probably average about five times a week."
There doesn't seem to be a standard frequency. Some Snapchat their mom from Collis, while others have a hard time pinpointing the last time they heard their dad's voice.
Yu Jin Nam '15, from South Korea, attended boarding school in the United States for middle and high school. "When you're 13 or 14, you have to talk to your parents a few times a week," she said.
This fizzled out later in high school, and Nam said she now "rarely ever" talks to her parents.
"We got in fights a lot," Nam said. "In the end, the things we talked about were the things I didn't want to talk about."
The language barrier between Nam and her parents only provided an additional obstacle. Certain American idioms and Dartmouth lingo, including her involvement in a sorority, don't exactly translate into Korean. "It's not just a generation gap, but also the fact that I grew up here since I was 13," she said.
On the other hand, students whose parents are alumni have a much easier time relating their experiences.
Will Bollenbach '15, whose father graduated in 1978, said his parents "know what to expect" when he tells them about college life. He said anticipates them hanging out at Tri-Kap over parent's weekend.
While phone calls are the most common way to communicate, being abroad, or even living south of Wheelock Street, where service is sparse at best, can make it that much harder to stay in touch.
I learned my lesson during a five-month stint in boarding school that involved simply "overlooking" emails or requests to call from back home. I don't recommend this approach. A text or two can go a long way to assure parents that their child is still breathing, or at the very least that the joints in her fingers still work.
Not having a phone is no excuse to leave the parents hanging. While Bollenbach was on a Foreign Study Program in Argentina, he used Skype and email to update his parents.
Jenkins said she and her three siblings communicate through a family group text. "It gets used about once a week, but I don't really talk to my siblings other than that."
Being overseas doesn't make the cost of communicating with parents at all prohibitive. Nam said her mother uses a calling card that costs around $30 each year.
Still, that doesn't mean there aren't other costs to calling your parents such as your precious time, which prevents you from calling and then stresses your parents out.
For Nam, interning in India during the winter was a turning point in her relationship with her parents, as she hardly contacted them.
"They were going nuts. They were so worried," she said. "My mom would call me something like 12 times without me picking up."
While their concern seemed "a little silly," Nam said she felt guilty for not communicating more and has been inspired to take a new approach. "Just be friendly, don't be snarky, and if you don't want to talk to them in person, just write an email," she said.
Nam's mother reminded her that there are basic obligations within a family, and one of them is staying in touch.
Talking to her parents more often has come with unforeseen consequences. "Now my mom thinks we're super buddy-buddy and calls, like, five times a week," Nam said.
"Maybe we're slightly dysfunctional," she added, "But what family isn't?"
Ashton Slatev '15 said his relationship with his parents has changed as he has matured.
"We used to talk a lot freshman year, but not so much anymore," he said. "I think it's because I'm growing more independent."
Bollenbach also said that college changed his relationship with his parents. He said he sees his parents less frequently, so "when we do hang out, it's a little more special."
With some distance, personal growth and varying degrees of technological competence, family relationships are bound to change during college. And it's a good thing they do. What 22-year-old trying to make a good impression in the office wants to be caught talking on the phone with their mom when they're most needed by the boss?
Distance often makes the heart grow fonder, and after a few years away from home, many students seem more secure and stable in their relationship with their parents, no matter how dynamic that relationship has been. So give your parents a little extra love this weekend, whether you're seeing them in person or texting them!
