Dear Gardner and Kate,
It seems like I'm not as involved on campus as everyone I know and feel like I should be doing more. Am I missing out?
Under-involved Uma '16
Gardner: Unless you're a varsity athlete or taking organic chemistry, it's easy to feel like you should be busier, especially since Dartmouth students have the tendency to tell you how busy they are all the time. I blame it all on the campus events listserv. In the olden days, circa 11S, blitzing out to campus was a harrowing ordeal that took hours. Sure, there was a lot of stuff going on, but you weren't constantly berated with reminders of how much stuff everyone else had to occupy their time. The listserv has made it so that you can't enjoy an afternoon of doing nothing without constant reminders of everything you could be doing. You're probably not missing out.
Kate: I was once like you, Uma. In an attempt to feel more involved and Dartmouth-y my freshman spring, I started joining random clubs. And not just one, mind you. This snowballed until my senior fall, when I was essentially lost my mind. Eating every meal in KAF, staying furious at roommates for having the freedom to sleep past 7 a.m. and having breakdowns while watching "That 70's Show" in the gym aren't a good look on anyone. I advise you to choose a couple areas you feel passionate about and get involved in those. Don't compare your activities to others, and don't be afraid to take a term or two off from certain clubs. Or, if you still feel inadequate in your involvement, just pick up one really facetime-y activity and refuse to stop talking about it.
Dear Kate,
I just realized I say "haha" at the end of really depressing texts, is this a problem?
Worried Wanda '15
Kate: I would love to write a linguistics thesis called "LOL: Text-Speak's Syntax's Incorporation of Laughter as Self-Deprecating Ironic Distance and the Growing Fear of Social Intimacy in 21st Century America." Chapters would include "Capitalization as Intent," "Lolz, Lulz, and Lawl: Bastardizations and Variations on a Familiar Theme," and the ever important "The Sad Haha' Versus The Enraged Lol.'" Unfortunately, I have never taken a linguistics class at Dartmouth and it's my senior spring. Thus, my only advice is to try to limit yourself to one "lol" per text. If you aren't careful all your friends will stop talking to you and you'll have no one to "lol" with! That's what happened to me, haha.
Dear Gardner and Kate,
I'm a new officer in my fraternity and I can't get the seniors to take me seriously or listen to what I have to say. Is there any way around this?
Officer Ollie '14
Gardner: You might not believe this, Ollie, but the seniors went through the exact same thing last year when they became officers. Most of their hatred for the '12s didn't exist when last spring started, but the bonds were slowly eroded by tension over rules that the '12s once enforced and knew they should follow but didn't because they weren't convenient. While some '13s will empathize with you, the vicious cycle will likely continue until the '13s graduate. Try to appease them with small tokens of appreciation like getting detergent for the house laundry machine and food at meetings. But remember, it's really the '12s' fault. It always is.
Kate: Sorry, Ollie, no sympathy here. You need to realize now that this is the only term of your leadership that you will not be struggling simply to keep your head above water. Complete whatever goals you have this term, while '13s are distracted and you don't have to deal with '16s. I know you think that the '13's were simply incompetent and that you are going to completely revolutionize both your house and the Greek system as a whole. However, you are wrong. Your senior winter, when you are on probation, awash with complaints and unsure if you are going to be expelled for an accidental "hazing" incident, think back to this moment and thank me.
Dear Gardner and Kate, How far ahead of time should I ask someone to semi if it isn't a given that we're going together? Also, what is the appropriate amount of effort to put into costumes?
Self-conscious Sidney '15
Gardner: While some think it's too over-eager, I think four days ahead of time is the appropriate window to ask a semi date. Semi season is filled with scheduling conflicts and you don't want to lose your date to another semi or, even worse, someone else at yours. Like asking a date to formal, I suggest you pick a time when you're sure you won't see them for the next eight hours then send an vaguely indifferent blitz, showcasing how little you care and not coming anywhere close to putting yourself out there emotionally. Kate will cover costumes.
Kate: There is nothing I hate more than semi outfits that don't even attempt to be witty. I don't care how overtly sexual you dress. If you aren't fitting the theme in the most convoluted way possible, I hope your date makes out with someone else in front of you. However, it's important to make sure you and your partner have similar levels of commitment to costumes. The ideal semi-match is into extensive mental effort over costumes, allowing for some quality flitzing. However, they are simultaneously averse to physical effort, meaning you can both wear slightly weird clothes with a sign explaining how clever you are. Also, avoid facepaint if you're going to make out with your date. That just gets messy, especially with the wealth of photos that will show up on Facebook in the next few days.
Dear Gardner,
I'm pretty busy and am thinking about dropping my PE this term and saving it for senior year when I have less going on. Would you recommend this?
Junior Jared '14
Gardner: Unless you're really into overnight cabin camping trips in the dead of winter, absolutely not.
