Dear Gardner and Kate,
I want to exercise, but I hate exercising. Do you have any advice?Lacking Motivation Larry '14
Gardner: This is a dilemma that many Dartmouth students share. Luckily, there is a solution: the Zimmerman Fitness Center. Many students believe that going to the gym requires exercising. However, this common misconception could not be further from the truth. Spending a half hour at the gym each day constitutes exercise you can even drop into conversation for the rest of the day that you went to the gym, but you can forgo "exercising" for more common activities like making small talk, stretching, drinking water and waiting for the bench to open up. If the gym and "exercise" are not for you, I recommend running outside. It is absurdly nice out right now.
Kate: Working out is incredibly boring. Despite the misleading phrase "runner's high," running is nothing like being high except that it induces the urge to eat a ton of carbs and pass out. However, in an attempt to force myself into healthfulness, I've developed the Kate Taylor Workout Plan. It's based on the concept that the only time I work out effectively is when I am literally attempting to run away from my problems. First, take a few hours to stew in all the terrible decisions you are currently making. If you aren't already doing this, you are probably someone who lives a good life of wise decisions or blissful ignorance, and I applaud you. Whenever you reach peak embarrassment, find another hot mess on a similar training plan. Run until your situation is more amusing than mortifying. Case in point: I once ran a half marathon using this method but actually.
Dear Gardner,
It's so nice out, and I want to go outside, but I have a ton of work. Any ideas?Locked Inside Lisa '16
Gardner: First of all, you don't actually have a ton of work you're a '16. I know you think you need to read 12 chapters by your history 10A, but the reality is that the majority of your class hasn't even bought the book. If you for some reason do have work, why not do it outside? You don't have to sit on Collis porch where you obviously won't get anything done try the courtyard behind Kemeny or just a random patch of grass by your dorm. Better yet, blow off work all day and do things that are actually enjoyable outside and succumb to the library at night. Most importantly, don't stress out too much. This problem won't exist at all in three weeks.Dear Kate,
I'm in love with my trippee, but he's a lot younger than me. What should I do?Bottom of the X Betty '13
Kate: I turned to my mother for the answer to this one. While my shortsighted opinion was, "Get it together, woman," my mom's 20 years of marriage have left her with more knowledge than I can comprehend. First, as a registered nurse, she encouraged older women to remember that men die 10 to 15 years before women, so if you aren't into the nursing home dating scene, start planning ahead now.
Second, she told me that she firmly believes every man should date an older woman at least once in his life, as an important "learning experience." Finally, she reminded me to keep remembering to shave my legs and put minimal upkeep into my personal appearance, and maybe I too could find love. In favor of getting at both sides of the issue, I also asked my younger brother his opinion. Response: "Age doesn't phase me." He's applying early to Dartmouth, so trip leaders, watch out for his 6'3" baby face on Robo lawn next year, and back off because I will come back at Homecoming and hunt you down.
Dear Gardner,
I have a crush on my trip leader, but she doesn't seem to notice me. She even asked to be taken off our trip's group text chat. What should I do?Bottom of the X Bryan '16
Gardner: If she seems to not notice you, there is a good chance that she indeed does not notice you. She will probably never "notice" you, but there is still hope. Keep that crush in the back of your mind and send her occasional innocuous trippee to leader blitzes like. "How's prof. Brooks for Gov 5?" or "Can I use a meal swipe in KAF?" or "Which one is Collis again?" Make sure to always wave and smile when you see her around campus. She may one day get so tired of the Dartmouth scene that she remembers your unconditional affection and finally sends you the, "Hey, can you come pick something up from my off-campus house? It's left over from Trips, or something" text for which you've been longing. Probably not, but I'm not going to tell you not to dream.
Dear Kate,
I feel like I'm being rejected from every group I try to join on campus. What do I do?Rejected Rachel '15
Kate: Around four years ago, I thought I would never recover from the rejection from my "dream school." Sophomore year, I was devastated after not being called back to a certain Greek house. At a time that will remain undisclosed, I may have shed a tear or two after being rejected by a rando I made out with in a frat bathroom. Looking back at all of these events, I have one abbreviation for the younger version of myself: "lol." Being rejected is a part of Dartmouth life. It sucks, but in a year, you'll realize that what/who you wanted has become a punchline of your past. Bitterly holding out instead of moving onto whatever organization or hook-up your life throws at you is only going to hurt you.
Dear Gardner and Kate
Your column is so cute! Are you guys dating?Ben Spero's Mom
Gardner: Wow, Ben Spero's mom! I'm so glad you're reading our column. I hate to disappoint, but we are not dating. I was surprised that you drew this conclusion from our first column, especially from the online edition, since it didn't even include us looking into each other's eyes like in the header of the print edition. While writing a joint advice column would be the ultimate cutesy couple activity, I can only imagine how awkward and antagonistic it would become if we broke up in the middle of the year. Hopefully you will still enjoy our completely platonic advice.
Kate: Absolutely not.
