This article is featured in the 2025 Commencement & Reunions special issue.
Dear Freak of the Week,
I’m dating a graduating ’25. Should we give long distance a go, or just call it quits and avoid a painful, messy break-up?
- Star-crossed
People love to say that Dartmouth is just like high school. Normally, I beg to differ: in high school, I never had the glorious experience of Foco at 10:30 a.m. the Sunday after Green Key.
But one thing actually is eerily high school: inter-grade relationships.
With just 1,200 people in your class, dating within your grade is like shopping at a boutique where half the inventory is on an off-term. Compounding that with constant cross-class mingling and a rampant set-up culture between grades, it feels like as you get older, getting involved with someone your age becomes more and more unlikely.
Hence the inter-grade relationship. And the inevitable question: What do you do when one of you is graduating?
First, consider the type of relationship. It doesn't matter if it’s been a month or a year — the real question is whether you have a solid foundation. Have you fought? Do you trust each other? Are you close enough to share the messiness of what’s ahead? Your morals don’t have to align if you’re just texting after on-nights. When one of you leaves campus, the stakes change.
Where are you both headed — literally and metaphorically? Not just cities. Do they plan on getting married soon? Ever? Do they want kids? Do you? Your futures don’t need to align perfectly. In fact, you should never base your future plans entirely on another person. But if they’re moving to Paris postgrad and your heart is set on L.A., that’s something to consider.
Then, finally, do they add to your life? This is the hardest question. Do they make you feel more like yourself, or less? Do they bring you peace, or stress you out? If the relationship has glaring, unfixable problems, distance will only amplify them.
Of course, talk to them. And don’t always assume that the person graduating is already halfway out the door. You may be in different stages of life, but if your maturity levels match, then it doesn’t matter. Your relationship is unique to you: Don’t listen to the horror stories or the success stories. Just think through your own life and what you want. As long as you choose yourself, you’ll land in the right place.
To the seniors reading: Happy graduation! And please, send us your post-grad relationship woes. We’ll still be here, giving advice from our twin XLs.
- Leila
There’s something especially romantic about seeing a ’25 who is about to leave, forever. You get to see Dartmouth through their eyes, sometimes in a tired, I-want-to-get-out-of-here way, sometimes they’re worried about leaving and starting their new life and sometimes they’re just checked out. It makes you think about endings, even if you aren’t near one yourself.
The advice here is really dependent on your situation. There are a couple of clear, easy answers to get out of the way. If you’ve been dating them for a while and you like them, try long distance! It may seem daunting, but it will be fun when they come back to visit you at Dartmouth. It’ll be cool to see what they get up to in their “adult” life. Obviously, if it’s not working, it’s not working. But giving it a shot never hurt anyone. On the other hand, if you’ve been hooking up with them and it’s purely a physical, non-serious thing, have your final farewell and call it a day. Maybe get them a graduation gift, if they wouldn’t think that’s weird. Try to get a cool experience out of it before they go — explore a part of campus life you wouldn’t otherwise, or just enjoy the poetic nature of a romance with a death date.
This is where it gets hard. What if you’ve met recently and you really like each other? What if it’s a long running situationship, but you want it to be more? There are countless opportunities for complication here. I think that Leila’s advice on this issue is gold. You should have an honest conversation with the person graduating, and don’t assume that they’re ready to drop you as soon as they walk across the stage. While I said previously that you should cut off someone immediately if they’re not locked in, I’m not opposed to a text every so often. My one real piece of advice is this: please, please don’t get consumed by the idea of someone who is off campus while you’re here. College is such a valuable chunk of time to be with the people who are present where you are, too. That doesn’t mean that you can’t think about people who aren’t here, but it’s not worth it to let them dominate your headspace, unless you’re committed to each other.
The most important takeaway? Enjoy every single second you have before they leave. Treat it as much like your own senior spring as you can, without sacrificing other parts of your life or making it about yourself. Pack in great moments, and do as many things that you’ve never done before as you can. When it’s time to say farewell, embrace the romance.
- Eli
Eli Moyse ’27 is an opinion editor and columnist for The Dartmouth. He is from Connecticut, and studies government and creative writing.
On campus, Eli is an active member of the Dartmouth Political Union and Dartmouth Army ROTC. He attends Dartmouth on an ROTC scholarship, and upon graduation, he will commission as a Second Lieutenant in the U.S. Army. He has been an active writer and political organizer from a young age, working on over 15 political campaigns varying from local to presidential races, and publishing both fiction and nonfiction on various platforms.
First and foremost, Eli loves to write, and he intends to make some form of it his full time career after his time in the Army.
