Top 5 Things You Pray Your Parents Won't Do on First-Year Family Weekend

1. Attempt any form of in-person or digital contact with you from 10 p.m. to 10 a.m.
2. Family photo shoot on the Green.
3. Inviting your evil, devil-spawn roommate and family to an extended off-campus dinner.
4. Don a derby hat and opt to join in the debaucherous activities on Webster Ave.
5. Request an all-access tour of "that Rolling Stone frat."