She hands you a glossy yearbook and extends you a bold red Sharpie from her multicolored pack. She smiles. You smile. You take both. You flip to the autograph pages and place the bold tip of the marker on two square inches of blank space. It's senior year you have to write something meaningful. This girl may be Sally Who-Gives-A-Shit to you in five years time, but you don't want her to remember you that way.
Yet, you know that "keeping in touch" with Sally after you part ways for college is a long shot. You know this because your polite exchanges in chemistry and your drunken ones at Johnny Can't-Remember-It-Now's house parties never amounted to more than a convenient acquaintance. You were friends when she was around. You weren't when she wasn't. You decide to save your creativity for your best friend's yearbook page and stick with the ephemeral, "Have a great summer!" entry for this one.
Year after year, bright-eyed freshmen flock to colleges hundreds of miles away from their homes with the intention of filtering these superficial relationships from their lives.
"It's easy to forget about the people who never meant much to you," Libby Buttenwieser '15 said. "It's actually refreshing."
As Buttenwieser indicated, this selective weeding is generally a universal experience for college students. However, when it comes to maintaining relationships with those with whom they have truly bonded throughout their four years in high school, students, especially freshmen, tend to put forth their best efforts.
"I talk to my friends every day," Katherine McCormack '15 said. "We also have a video chat every Sunday with whoever is free, and usually there are at least six of us each week."
In McCormack's case, staying in touch with middle school friends after heading off to boarding school has given her years of experience in the long-distance communication department. Although she may certainly be the exception, keeping up a practice like hers isn't so easy.
"I guess it was a bit naive," Eric Wu '13 said of his expectation to keep tabs on his high school friends' whereabouts. "That didn't really happen we're all so busy and we have different lives now."
Losing contact is oftentimes a gradual process. Many students said that it typically happens so quietly and slowly that it is impossible to draw the line between in and out of touch.
"One time, I asked a pretty good friend if she saw me or another guy who was in the Air Force more," Wu said. "Apparently, a student with a D-Plan spends much less time at home than even an enlisted officer."
Similarly, Abigail Fucigna '15, a 21-year-old who matriculated with the '15s, decided to attend Burke Mountain Academy in Vermont for two years after graduating high school to pursue ski racing. This decision pushed her away from her high school friends faster than most.
"I was living this foreign life in the winter time, and they were freshmen and later sophomores in college," she said. "We just grew apart they are all now juniors in college."
Does time apart have an adverse effect on most friendships? Students interviewed were divided on the issue, but many found that their priorities changed upon their reunion with old friends.
A female '14 student who wished to remain anonymous due to the personal nature of the situation said that shooting the breeze with peers she never truly connected with in high school has lost its appeal.
"All the girls [in my friend group] were on the same lacrosse team," she said. "But besides that, we had little in common. They all were rather catty."
Coming to Dartmouth awarded this student a unique opportunity to start college with a clean slate after a falling out proved that some relationships just aren't worth maintaining.
"I wanted nothing more than to get away from my terribly cliquey group of friends," she said. "When I go home, I usually just post up on my couch and watch TiVo or hang out with my parents and sister. Spending time with my family people who actually care about me is so much more worthwhile. I don't really feel like I'm missing anything at all."
On the other hand, Fucigna and Wu both agreed that though hanging out with their friends from home is less common, these friendships tend to pick up where they left off when they are at home.
"We talk about people, our lives and our futures and forget that we haven't seen each other in a few months," Wu said. "It's weird how normal it is."
Fucigna added that she never feels any hostility from her friends for not staying in constant contact in college.
"They understand my hectic life and I understand theirs," she said. "But even so, we will always be close because we have that understanding."
Despite popular teenage girl beliefs, it is impossible to define a friendship by a square inch of yearbook space. Precedent dictates that the better the friend, the more autograph real estate he or she deserves. But enduring friendships those that transcend time and distance are not quantifiable.
"I got a lot of people to sign my yearbook I don't talk to 95 percent of those people anymore," the female '14 said. "But you won't find an entry from my sister."
