This is the story of a different Dartmouth.
We measure time on a line. Sort of. Someone decided to bend that line into a circle. Circles are hard to cut into pieces. That's one of the reasons you can never get everyone equal slices of a pie. Circles are infinite. A watch's hand spins forever. That is, until it runs out of batteries.
If I could have done this all differently, I would have gone somewhere else. Not because I don't like Dartmouth. It'd just be interesting to get another perspective, to think about things differently, to believe that there is something else to the college experience.
I would not have taken three classes over sophomore summer. If I had, they would not have been as hard as the ones I chose. I wish I had spent more time swimming in the river. I wish I had spent more time underwater. I wish I had left more of myself on the docks and less of myself in 1902.
I would not have spent as much time in the library. The library is a great place. I've learned a lot there. It's a barrel of monkeys. But it would have been nice to see the clouds more often, to listen to the wind from the top of Moosilauke, to feel powder thrown from under my feet. I would have learned less, but I'm not sure I'd care. All that you can read will be there for a long, long time. Each leaf only falls once.
I would not have worried about sleep as much. I decided not to be a physics major because the class that I needed to take was a 9L. That class was not offered again until the following year, and by that time, I would have been too far behind to finish the major. I would have at least spent some of my time learning about what I care about: the nothingness of space and the beauty of the heavens.
I would not have ever had a drink. I did not drink until I arrived at Dartmouth. I thought it was wrong. In college, I accepted that there wasn't anything really morally wrong with it. It's just a thing people do. I enjoy the feeling. I enjoy the freedom. I love the people that I've met over a can of Keystone Light. But I cannot help but imagine what my life would be outside of the basement. Where would I have gone? What grand adventures would I have had? What relationships would I now enjoy? What would I have done on an idle Friday night?
I would not have wasted a moment being unhappy. I spent a lot of time wishing I was home. I spent a lot of time wishing that I was someone else. I spent a lot of time unsatisfied with the path I was taking. I imagine one or two other people did, as well. I thought I was alone. I know that I wasn't. Unhappiness is all around us, if we take the time to look. That should not be the case. We only have these few precious moments to spend in the hearts of others. Why waste them feeling sorry for ourselves, feeling unsuccessful and unwanted, feeling alone?
I would have done more for the people I care about. I would have spent less time hesitating and worrying and more time acting and failing. I would have done the Polar Bear Swim. I would not have looked before I leapt. I would have trusted stories less. I would have trusted myself more. I would have worked harder. I would have made more art. I would have written more. I would have watched less. I would have seen the sunlight more. I would have seen fluorescent light less.
But today, I am here because I am. I am me because of all the things that I did right at Dartmouth and because of all the things I did wrong. Mistakes, bruises and cuts are some of the very few ways we can grow. You can only build muscle by tearing it.
I am a fan of me. I like this guy. If I didn't, I wouldn't expect it of anyone else. If I could have anything, it would not be to adjust any of the decisions I made or to be a different person or to do Dartmouth differently. If I could have anything, I would stay here. I am, and will always be, in love with Dartmouth. And there is nothing I wouldn't give to spend a little more time here with you. Friends.
