I'd like to believe that if some calamity were to occur today that would wipe me off the face of the Earth, I would leave behind some sort of legacy. In some way or another, we all hope that upon our departure, we'll be missed. And while I stand beside the idea that anyone can impact the lives of those around him or her, the same notion does not hold true for everything. Below is a list of things that, if done away with, would do little to alter our student experiences at Dartmouth.1. Novack vending machine sandwiches. I first discovered the cached arsenal of quick-meal vending machines while making a pit stop in the Novack bathrooms. A man was restocking these machines, only the word "restocking" implies that supplies were dwindling to begin with. Rather, he was replacing an expired and crusty Philly cheesesteak sandwich with a new, freshly sealed and equally unappetizing one. If any student should mourn the loss of these vending machines, he or she should be introduced to the wide world of good nutrition and sanity.2. Crosswalks. If it is true that Dartmouth students have a skewed perception of reality, it is most true in the realm of traffic etiquette. Disney World, Amish settlements and the Dartmouth campus are the only places where pedestrians still have the right of way, and we're not giving it up anytime soon. Green lights will not thwart our mobility, and crosswalks will not carve our paths. The Town of Hanover could do away with these completely and never notice a change in pedestrian traffic.3. Club badminton. Why yes, we do have a club badminton team. Why no, I couldn't tell you when the next match is. The website has not been updated since the fall of 2009. While it's likely that its members practice happily and hushedly somewhere in the athletic complex, the remaining 99.6 percent of the student body would agree that the club's activities have little bearing on our daily lives. The day may come when the birdie-bearers rule the school, but until that day, club badminton could probably disappear without causing much of a stir. 4. The paintings in Collis. The multi-paneled mural installation on display in Collis attempts to typify a typical year at Dartmouth through a series of vibrantly colored scenes that look like Old Navy ads. However, I have yet to find myself reeling with joy as I slide down a mountain in the dead of night in an apparatus fashioned from a couch (?) and a pair of skis. Another painting suggests I should look graceful as I struggle to collect my papers that have been strewn about by the autumn wind. The panels are found guilty on the counts of irrelevancy and invisibility. 5. The Hood gift shop. In all the hours I have spent sitting at the Hop digesting my taco salad before the trek home, I have never seen a single person enter or exit the Hood gift shop. On that note, does anyone know how much the cashier job pays?
And last, but surely not least...6. Upperclassman UGAs. To my future upperclassman UGA: The fun fact about my home state that you will tape to my door at the start of the term will be interesting and amusing for approximately one second, but it will not be worth the $1,000 the school will pay you to put it there.
