So you haven't showered once during five days of vigorous hiking on your DOC Trip. So you've been drinking from a cup of liquid that a ping pong ball which two minutes ago was sitting in a pool of unidentifiable sludge just landed in. So that alfredo-marinara sauce in the Collis take-out clamshell has been congealing in the sun beside your window so what? It's Dartmouth. From going to school here, and, well, life, you know that these things happen. They're disgusting, yes, but being dirty isn't entirely bad.
First of all, uncleanliness can help us find that truly special someone. When people are extremely dirty, their stench can partially drown out their pheromones, the chemical factor animals secrete that attracts mates. So that guy on moderate hiking that you thought you totally connected with during trips? That was something real. His body odor overpowered his pheromones you were drawn to more than instinctive chemical attraction. Blitz him now. I'm guessing that the only time that one would become so smelly that it would overwhelm his or her own pheromones is on Trips, but who am I to assume adherence to hygienic norms? Stop showering for a while you may just find your soulmate. Plus, by getting down and dirty in the woods, our collective love for the outdoors provide us with hard wilderness skills, such as the ability to go to the bathroom in the woods, and a tolerance for grossness on which we will likely rely for the rest of our lives, . If you can dig a six-inch hole ... the world is basically your oyster.
Besides helping your love life, poor hygiene practices save time. Emptying the garbage, tidying your room or cleaning your basement these are all huge time sucks. We love to complain about how busy we are, and we are always looking for ways to add more hours to the day. Well, cutting down on hygiene, such as by reading textbooks on the elliptical, can really free up some time. For example, if you take a 10-minute shower once per day, you are spending 70 minutes per week showering. That is one hour and 10 more minutes you could have spent trolling KAF, studying or participating in Dartmouth's favorite unhygienic activity pong. Besides all of the hygienic issues with pong itself that I'm sure you've heard about several times over in this issue sharing cups, the ball rolling into dirty places a base level of uncleanliness in our social spaces allows us to hold lower expectations for their upkeep, and therefore we are rarely fazed by their questionable conditions. Why throw an empty can in the trash when you can throw it on the ground? Why make the trip all the way upstairs to the bathroom when the wall looks just as inviting? You're trying to enjoy yourself. Besides, if we're all sharing cups and therefore germs, our immune systems receive an instant booster.
Later in life, when you are living in a closet-sized apartment, you can be conteny knowing that thanks to Dartmouth, you will be disaffected by the dust mites, dirt and mold inhabiting your living space. Now that's what I call investing in your future!
Hanging out in basements also builds an incredible immunity to the smell of urine and vomit. So if by chance a janitorial career is calling your name, you've got a major leg up on the competition.
Ultimately, between smelling these smells and getting sick, being dirty becom a unique facet of our shared Dartmouth experience.
Let's just hope that this one characteristic doesn't stick with us for too long after graduation, but if it did, it wouldn't be such a bad thing.
