Like everyone else, my go-to laundry day is Sunday. Of course, the odds of finding an open washing machine on a Sunday afternoon are slim. But where there's a will and a Keystone-drenched sweater that needs washing, there will also be a way, so I haul everything I've ever worn down to the laundry room in the hopes that I can pounce on the next available machine.
Inevitably, every machine but one is taken, and the one available machine is chock-full of someone else's clothes. And by the looks of it, this stuff's been in there awhile. Since my laundry day attire usually consists of mismatched socks, embarrassingly baggy T-shirts and jeans that are too ripped to appear in public, I can't help but wonder how these people manage to forget about entire loads of laundry.
At any rate, something needs to be done. So I start weighing my options, and I am yet again confronted with the age old dilemma of what exactly comprises proper laundry room etiquette.
If we're basing our definition of "etiquette" on the idea of simply doing the nicest thing possible for someone else, then the clear-cut answer seems to be to move the clothes from the washer to the dryer. But etiquette has broader implications than that.
Like it or not, etiquette is dependent on everyone doing his or her own part. As such, transferring other people's clothes to the dryer just sounds to me like rewarding bad behavior. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to do your chores for you. If you want to eventually function in society, you should be able to soak your endless parade of Greek letter apparel in some soapy water without assistance. So you see, this is a valuable lesson about responsibility.
On the flip side, etiquette dictates that I cannot just whisk the clothes out of the machine and onto the floor. Even though no one would ever know that I did it, the larger implications could be disastrous. I'd essentially be declaring open season in the laundry room! My Halloween socks and my Prince Edward Island T-shirt would never be safe again! Imagine the horror! There has to be some middle ground here somewhere.
Tossing the clothes in a trash bag seems like an easy fix at first, but let's think about it for a minute. The owner of this laundry is clearly in no hurry. These clothes are going to sit here stewing in their own moisture for the next three days. And while anyone who leaves wet laundry hanging around for days probably deserves what's coming to them, the fact remains that mildew-ridden clothing needs to be re-washed. By the time that actually happens I'll probably be back down here doing another week's worth of laundry. I have no interest in getting caught in this Groundhog Day-esque laundry loop, thank you very much. So the plastic bag's out.
It would seem, then, that the best solution is the classic pile-'em-up-on-the-washer method. It hits all the etiquette points: It's polite, but it conveys the faintest hint of snooty don't-you-do-this-again disapproval characteristic of proper etiquette. And as long as I ignore the fact that I am essentially crafting a giant display of someone else's panties, it's definitely the most convenient, guilt-free solution, especially if I take the time to wipe up the congealed detergent puddles on the top of the machine first. The key is just to be quick about it. The last thing I want is to end up face-to-face with the owner of the boxers I've got clutched in my hand, looking like a hobo caught red-handed in some kind of laundry room burglary.
To be honest, attempting to figure out laundry room etiquette is enough to make me wish I'd signed up for the laundry service. Being mocked mercilessly for my laziness would build almost as much character as washing my own clothes.
Almost.
