There are a lot of things Dartmouth students try to fake: fashion (e.g. flair), pong skills, healthy eating, society taps and studying on FFB. The list goes on. Something Dartmouth students successfully fake? Their intellect.
To clarify, this article is not a call-out. Everyone here is smart, talented and unique #admissions. There are also many genuine intellectuals here who are conversational wizards in class.
Speaking of conversational wizards, I'll be the first to say I'm not one of them (whether I am an actual wizard is a revelation for another day). Said wizards are the guys I see in vomit-soaked shirts stumbling over a pile of Keystone cases in the basement and then so gracefully and eloquently communicating the ideas of Lockean theory in class the next morning.
Forgoing my normal slew of lab-centric science courses, I decided to investigate this paradox and try out a "liberal arts education." I signed up for three discussion-based classes. (Oh my!) Think: What did you think about the reading? How do you feel? And, is magenta a shade of purple? But I wasn't ready for such deep, prying questions on the first day of classes, and so I stayed silent, crying I have done so every class since.
My peers, however, remained unfazed by the questions. Sitting among them, I began to realize how others were able to make themselves look so good in class. Read on you'll be amazed at how far brown-nosing has come since middle school.
Exhibit A: Wikipedia Master.
This species can most often be identified by his lightning fast recollection of a totally random fact. If students with their computers open aren't playing Snake or Data Worm or stalking their classmates and/or prof on Facebook, then they are prowling Wikipedia. There is nothing more impressive than knowing line 35 of the Declaration of Independence or that mutation zz35ax45 causes a rare genetic disorder of the lung. Sweet work, Sherlock!
Exhibit B: Piggybacker.
This champion starts off with a tilted hand in the air and interjects mid-way through someone else's statement, opining, "Sorry, just wanted to piggyback here. I definitely agree that " The Piggybacker looks for a way of saying something without saying anything, taking the old and making it sound new. I actually have no problem with piggybacking. Stand on the shoulders of giants! The problem I have with piggybacking is the term itself. Who gives piggyback rides anymore? It's kind of weird.
Exhibit C: Personal Experience Guy.
The Personal Experience Guy often begins his addition to the discussion with something along the lines of "This one time when I was a kid " and ends with " so clearly his philosophy is justified." Can't think of any hard facts actually related to the reading (because you didn't do it)? Then talk about the fact that you couldn't ride a bicycle until you were 18 and relate it to the eternal struggle in The Great Gatsby. Didn't that dance party last night make you feel like an angsty Holden Caulfield?
Exhibit D: The Generalization-Maker.
What are the Generalization-Maker's words to live by? "The more general and ambiguous the statement, the more likely it is to be true." The G-Maker drops transitions like "furthermore" and "moreover," and literary terms like "motif" and "theme" in class discussions. Wait, what did she just say? Did she seriously just reference Twilight? Doesn't matter, you get participation points if you say something! Cast a wide net, am I right?
Exhibit E: Unrelated Question-Asker.
This specimen asks professors to express their personal opinions. Bingo. Profs absolutely love talking about themselves and they don't get to toot their own horns too often, especially if they aren't tenured. Even if it is not related, ask about their favorite ice cream flavor. They'll eat it up, pun intended.
College is a time of transition, and we are still learners. Let's face it: Keeping the ball rolling in a discussion is much better than an awkward silence, and what comes out of it is education ( or dry mouth). Baby steps, even if they are more like sloppy stumbles, will have to suffice on the path toward "becoming a big deal" and "being legit." Perhaps we in Hanover are just like Gatsby in West Egg: Despite all odds, we must just "beat on, boats against the current."
Can't wait to use that one in class.
