The Drunkest Girls challenge New Hampshire
First off, we are back and ready to challenge any member of the Class of 2K14 to a shotgunning race (too aggressive, whatever. Don't care, senior year). And to preface this article we would like to say we are writing this in a particularly angst-filled mood. Some of us may have died last night during their 10th game of tree after finding out that they did in fact get dinged from the career services blitz list. Whatever, sorry for partying.
Secondly The Mirror has asked us to reflect on our relationship with New Hampshire and like most of our relationships, this one too is filled with angst and over-consumption. In our time residing in this hovel we have grown to learn that the slogan "live free or die" really only relates to helmet and seatbelt laws. Who wants to listen to their car beep at them incessantly for a lack of security, anyway? It is illegal to buy alcohol after 11:45 p.m. (a fact that has left us playing pong with leftover gin from Heorot tails and powdered limeade). Learn it now, young'ins. New Hampshire really doesn't want you to par-tee. Throw in the angst between the po-po and the College, the fact that Gaga has never stepped foot in the Granite State and the state's propensity for allowing the birth of assholes (read: We hate you, Mandy Moore), it makes sense for us to simply accept our location and move on to discuss some greater things.
For all you tricks taking the LSAT next week here is a Dartmouth-relevant way of looking at the logic games, trust us, we've been mastering logic games since we downed that first Keystone way back in 2007.
It's the Monday after Green Key and as expected you and your posse all won at the drinking and getting weird, because you are all the most loyal. Half want to go out and the other half are unsure, there are also a few individuals and places that must be avoided at all cost (awkward post hook-up run-ins at Collis are never wanted). You have seven friends, S, G, E, T, M, B, K and a plethora of complicated people and places to be avoided. After some real talk this is how the night has to go down if angst and possible disloyalty is going to be avoided.
G, E, M, and T all want to go out. K and B will only go out if W doesn't go out. S is unsure and will only go out if everyone else is going.
If K and H are at the same location W and Z cannot be there (far too uncomfortable).
If J and F are in the same location E will have a massive panic attack, funnel a liter of hendricks and stick her tongue in any mouth she can find.
You get the hint, a night of drinking and the morning after is always a logic game, think of it like this and it's easier than a '14 at 4:00 a.m. Or tearing down Sig Ep. Or forgetting you ate seven sides of ranch. Or being Student Body president. This list goes on
We want to end this article with a shout-out to the manufacturers of Four Loko (which is illegal in the state of N.H., bitches).
Xoxo,The Drunkest Girls
