It is, at times, frustrating to feel so oddly stuck between childhood and adulthood; furthermore, I think it is a feeling many of us have experienced. We are in an artificial environment, a liminal stage (as my anthropology professors would say) where we are encouraged to be adult-like, to begin taking responsibility for our interests, futures, even finances yet, at the same time, we are kept from the full weight of these responsibilities, too. We play a silly game involving ping-pong and beer and, for most of us, someone cleans our bathrooms and our parents foot at least part of the bill.
Don't get me wrong, there are much worse problems to have than the existential ones of being almost grown-up life is rather great. Yet this in-betweeness can be confusing and frustrating as well, especially when our age and lack of societal requisites (a diploma) prevent us from tackling the "problems of the world" to the degree we would like.
This Winter, I prepared myself for my first "real" work experience. I landed an internship with a non-profit I cared deeply about, my mom bought me a few pairs of work pants for Christmas and I took the subway to an office everyday. I was so excited to be a part of all of the amazing things that the particular organization did to help women around the globe. I was ready to "embrace the problems of the world," and fix them.
As one would expect, I had set my expectations a little high. The reality of my job was that I was given mostly administrative tasks and while the work atmosphere was amazing and I learned a lot about the field multiple advanced degrees and many years separate me from the more creative and "influential" work I hoped to do. This frustration was echoed by many of my friends who were also working this Winter. We were eager and energized, but there are still so many things we do not know about our respective fields. We were, we reminded ourselves, just interns. At least I didn't have to get anyone coffee.
I do not intend to be discouraging; there are so many ways that students can get involved in the fields they care about in a variety of different ways both at Dartmouth and in the "real world."
Furthermore, I think my Winter experience was valuable and that I did aid the organization, albeit not in the ways I expected. Also, I don't believe my friends and I have an unwarranted sense of abilities or the amount of work required to achieve the goals and careers to which we aspire or at least, our Winter experiences helped to inform and alter the way we perceive those abilities.
I came to realize after my term away that despite my eagerness to get out "into the real world" and to start "making a difference," I still have an incredible amount of learning to do in my studies and life experiences. It can feel constrictive at times to witness the problems of the world, to see the things I want to do, and yet still be unable to fix them because I lack Bachelor's Degree. Yet, viewing college as a hoop through which I must jump to do the things I really want to do is a depressing and useless attitude.
Rather, the things I learn here are the tools that I will need in my future even if it doesn't always feel that way sitting in a 2A lecture. There are still so many classes that will inform how I see the world and so many relationships to build that will help to shape the person I want to become.
It is not that my eagerness was misplaced; one of my favorite Benedictine blessings attests to this: "May God bless you with foolishness/To believe that you can make a difference in the world/So that you can do what others claim cannot be done."
It is important to be eager and excited about changing the world. But, for now, I will try to teach myself to be patient and, in the course of pursuing the knowledge I desire (and that I am so lucky to have), remember that Dartmouth isn't done with me yet; I still have things to do here.
