In honor of the theme we decided to try and host our own Ganja Olympics with Justin Bieber, Kanye West and Perez Hilton. However, we all ended up getting too high, too quickly and fell into an EBA's induced coma spending the rest of the night in a cuddle puddle on a rogue basement floor ... not the first time this has happened. So after that failure we came back to what we know to help us decide whether these celebs are bitch-ass or boss-ass: Keystone, pong and Colt 45.
The teams were set. The drunk girls vs. B-side celebs and Justin Bieber in a game of flip cup to settle the first round. Kanye was the most confident in his abilities to win the race for team celeb citing his experience as a "gangsta" and being the true inspiration for the Asher Roth hit "I Love College." However, all three candidates called foul when we brought out the thin tails cups from the Save the Whale party at TDX. We didn't care but the three got so incredibly angsty and official, (they sat behind the bar with their hands folded perfectly together atop the counter while Bieber subtly adjusted his Blair Waldorf headband), that these drunkest girls had to give in.
So, flip cup became a quick six. Bieber refused to compete and Hilton was roofied by Will.I.Am (we're not sure how he got there) prior to the competition and used the 16 seconds allotted to take a mini-nap. West won by default but proceeded to scream repeatedly about how Beyonce deserved the win.
Kanye's rants began to bore us so these drunkest girls left and ended up outside of Beta having real-talk while the celebrity team took an hour to sober up and order Ramuntos and Cristal. We came back to the basement of Thayer (our location of choice) and found the three intensely debating Haiti Relief Efforts and then watched as the three of them, in an almost brainwashed fashion, threw beer at Taylor Swift for suggesting that they go to FoCo for some chilli. We deemed the conversation bitch-ass and immediately shoved Colt 45s into their hands to start to the next race, our second favorite: the forty chug off.
Unfortunately, during the forty chug off, Bieber caught an air bubble and proceeded to seize ... the drunkest girls deemed his performance bitch-ass. Perez somehow drank a forty in 2.7 seconds and the drunkest girls bowed in awe.
The next competition was clearly a rotating tournament of singles, our favorite of all the competitions. Statistics showed that Perez was the most effective at throw saves (he has extensive practice with Chinese throwing stars), Bieber was deemed most consistent and actually proved the drunken Dartmouth adage most people lie about (I get so much better when I get drunk!) after sinking four half cups in a row. West was the king of low sinks, of course. J. Bieber finally proved triumphant after sinking his fifth half cup against Perez in the final round and proceeded to do the panda shuffle for 47 minutes.
Ultimately, it was the drunkest girls who won the night. We were the last standing, but unfortunately we were shortly thereafter arrested for serving alcohol to a minor and Kanye West
Please support us on our upcoming court date, thanks Giacconne!
