Admit it, when you first saw the title of this article you were slightly disappointed. We've all heard so many stories about Brett Favre's flip-flopping over retirement that, at this point, I don't think any of us care anymore. He's been talking about retiring FOR THE PAST FOUR YEARS! Come on Brett, get over yourself. You're acting like an insecure drama queen who needs to feel needed. He reminds me of Ja'mie King from HBO's "Summer Heights High." (You know how she's always saying negative things about herself so that her friends will respond by telling her she is pretty and wonderful.) Ja'mie is Brett Favre, and her friends are people like Vikings Head Coach Brad Childress, who called Favre multiple times trying to convince him to come back and play. Brett, if you want to keep playing fine, keep playing but stop this ridiculous back-and-forth circus. You're ruining your legacy and no one cares anymore. So, on pure principle, I won't waste another sports column on Brett Favre. Instead, in light of the fact that he-who-shall-not-be-named signed with the Packers division rival, the Vikings, I'm going to write a list of some of the best sports rivalries of the past 20 years. Here they are in no particular order.
1) Red Sox vs. Yankees. The classic. The two best franchises in the history of baseball. The Yankees have won 26 World Series, 39 AL Pennants and 15 East Division Titles. The Red Sox have won seven World Series (two tainted, so really five), 12 AL Pennants, and six East Division Titles. Wait, 26-39-15 and 7(5)-12-6? That's a rivalry?
2) Little Giants vs. The Pee-Wee Cowboys. Another classic. "Little Giants" (1994) had it all. Sibling rivalry, underdogs vs. the bigger jocks, great plays like "The Annexation of Puerto Rico," and a dramatic halftime entrance by the team's only female and best player, the Icebox. But the main reason this makes the list is because a little brother defeated a bigger brother at something. Whether it's beating him in a game, calling shotgun first, getting him in trouble with your parents or figuring out just exactly how to annoy him to the point that he goes nuts, there is no better feeling in the world than beating your older brother.
Speaking of the Icebox, I think the only other female who could possibly rival her on a football field is South African Sprinter Caster Semenya. Semenya won the 800-meter sprint at the World Championships on Wednesday and has come under intense scrutiny by race officials for alleged cheating. The officials aren't testing for steroid usage, as would be expected, but instead they are testing her gender. Or, his gender? Apparently she did so well in the race and has enough masculine characteristics that officials feel it's worth checking. If she is indeed a woman, imagine the conversation when they told her she was getting her femininity tested and we thought it was awkward going to Food Court and seeing the person we made out with last night.
3) O.J. Simpson vs. The Law. With the white Bronco chase, the book "If I Did It" and his alleged confessions to friends, O.J. could not have mocked the U.S. penal system more. He got away with everything and never even pretended to respect the victims' families or the law. But what makes this a top rivalry that is the law finally got O.J. back. Thirteen years after Nicole Brown's death, O.J. robbed a sports memorabilia store and was sentenced to 33 years in prison. Hey O.J., speaking on behalf of the law, "Tie-game, bitch."
4) Major League Soccer vs. The Little League World Series. The sad part is that this one might not even be that close in terms of popularity in the U.S. Seriously, how often do you see Little League World Series games on ESPN? Significantly more often than you see MLS games. If you had to pick between "The Sandlot" or "Bend It Like Beckham," which would you go with? "The Sandlot" hands down.
5) Duke Basketball vs. Police Officers. If you grew up on the East Coast and your parents didn't go to a good basketball school, chances are at one point in your life you were a Duke basketball fan. Every little kid is at some point. But if you're like me, you did a 180 as you got older and realized most of Duke's players aren't likeable because they simultaneously seem arrogant, spoiled and wimpy. Plus you probably hate them because the first few NCAA brackets you filled out as a kid had them going way too far in the tournament. It's a complete reversal of your initial feelings. It's just like how most kids feel about police officers. You love them as kids; maybe you even tell people you want to become a police officer and you completely buy the D.A.R.E propaganda. But as you get older, you find yourself hating cops. All they seem to do is get you in trouble and try to screw you over as much as possible. Not exactly sure what the rivalry is here, but maybe it's who can go from being the most loved pre-puberty, to the most hated post-puberty.
