Why is everyone always whining about how there's nothing to do at Dartmouth besides drink beers in frats? You silly things. There are plenty of other great places to meet people and hang out, besides the basements of Frat Row or Wheelock Street. Here are just a few of my favorites:
- The Bank of America Lobby
One time, I met a freshman girl there who didn't know how to use an ATM. So I taught her, and only laughed in my head. Then, she befriended me on Facebook. How did she know my name? Whatever! Now when we're drunk enough, we totally acknowledge that we know each other. Count it!
- The VIP Room at Canoe Club
Okay, so it's more like a VIP closet. Whatever, it's totally VIP! It's like the brothers-only room, except instead of sleeping with someone, all you have to do to get in is call ahead or something. So, yeah. You could go there and bring your friends. The important ones!
- Nathan's Garden
It's really pretty and full of trees and stuff. You could have a garden party and wear hats or whatever! It'll be just like Derby, except not its not a female-dominated social space. Just trees and flowers and your best friends and slam-people or whatever. WOO. Photoshoot! Tag that shia!
- CVS
Open 24 hours, duh. Maybe if you were tripping on shrooms at Columbia you would go see a concert or go to the IMAX or something, but -- pff -- the Dental Health aisle of our CVS is just as trippy. Can you believe there are so many kinds of iridescent, pool-hued products for your teeth? Floss is amaaaaaaazing. Also mouthwash. Mouthwash is amaaaazing.
- JuliAna
If it's spring and you just can't wait till rush in the fall, go to JuliAna and judge girls there! Points if you catch one shoplifting. I really wish I knew how to make a winking emoticon right about now.
- EBAs
When a sorority throws a semi at EBAs, it's totally fun! Wait. Ugh. This is getting hard. Okay, try this: Instead of ordering in, walk over. It's like an adventure, and you burn cals! What now, bitches!
- Ivy Cuts and Tans
Rough week? Go sit on their wicker and pretend to be waiting, and see who comes in to hit the tanning bed. There were some '06 Theta Delts who have probably died of embarrassment by now ... No, not skin cancer, silly, embarrassment!
- Dunkin' Donuts
Have you ever met Kiwi, that guy who works at Dunkie Doos? He gives me free doughnuts every time I waltz down there for an iced coffee. If I ate doughnuts, I would totally appreciate this! But you can't take people who eat doughnuts seriously, so...
- Queen Jewel of Yama
Supposedly there are a lot of drunk professors singing karaoke at Jewel of Murphy's or whatever that place is ... I've never been, but I love scorpion bowls, so we should totally go!
See? All you need to have fun here is an open mind! Open minds are amaaaaazing.
