I have never known a social organization at Dartmouth to be stingy with the refreshments, but most tend to feature tasty, brightly-colored liquids in stock and a curious lack of anything resembling solid food. While the average Green Key attendee is certain never to go thirsty, there is always the distinct possibility that she could quench her palate just a wee bit too far and end up in a graceless heap on the floor of a fraternity basement. (This is not based on my personal experience. Those stairs were slippery. Really.)
I have found that with a little extra effort, it is completely possible to find enough free food to keep yourself happily vertical during Green Key (if you fall over, you are at a significant risk of spilling your drink), but, in order to do this, you have to make a game plan in advance. These are your options:
ALL-DOC DAY
The Dartmouth Outing Club offers a wide variety of meat and meatless grill items during their All-DOC Day on Thursday, as well as arguably the most unique form of live entertainment during Green Key. While there's a certain cachet to risking bodily injury while procuring your free lunch, the event is often held earlier in the day--you may have to eat again before you brave Webster Avenue.
Overall rating: Sierra Nevada
Party Packs
I will be the first to admit that I have body-checked a complete stranger in order to grab a slice of hot, cheesy goodness from a recently-delivered EBAs box -- there is no social etiquette in war. While party packs provide only the starchiest and most absorbent of foods, and there is no denying the convenience factor, this food is generally consumed AFTER one has already availed oneself of several delicious beverages. Perfect food, imperfect timing.
Rating: Guinness
Pig Roast at Theta Delt
Pros: Lots of food. Sweet dudes. Mad facetime.
Cons: Sweet dudes. Mad facetime. Swine flu.
Rating: Bud Light
Bagels and Boones at Greek Houses in the mornings
I am going on the record as proclaiming this to be a terrible idea. Bagels are a wonderful cure for a hangover, but Boones? At 11 a.m.?
I know you can't be hungover if you haven't stopped drinking, but even the hardest of hard guys usually takes a voluntary or involuntary break after the basements close. In the event that you have actually been drinking continuously, pat yourself on the back, award yourself ten points and grab some free alcohol. Otherwise, you are so much better off with a Breakfast Bomb.
Rating: Keystone, skunked
BOXING
This is breaking news, but apparently 1. We have a boxing club and 2. They are holding matches during Green Key with free pizza. This is ridiculous. I will be there.
Rating: BALLER
